Bronx & Beans

IRegular Bronx & Beans readers know our penchant here for making strong friendly wagers with our fandom and then posting the thoroughly embarrasing results after the fact.

Although the Yankees have lost their last two games by a total score of 22-6, Tuesday has been a banner day. It's payout day, the day where those pesky Beans must make do with donning the Yankees jerseys since their BoSox lost the series in Fenway this past weekend.

We'll get things started with Bean Whittle, then hit you with some Bean Dennehy footage. It's quite a fun trip through the office.

P.S. Two series left and we've got some serious friendly wagers in place for those. Let's just say they involve mustached all-timers and karaoke.

Be wery wery qwiet, we're hunting Whittle.

Here, let me help you with that."

Dejection.

It's a sad, sad world.

"I'll make a brand new start of it in ol' New York!"

I think maybe we're having a little too much fun with this bet.

Bronx Fernandez approves of his work

Bean Dennehy is none too happy.

Bean Dennehy comes to grips with his fate.

"De-rek Je-ter! De-rek Je-ter! De-rek Je-ter!"

Let's go Yankees!

So how has this weekend gone so far?

That thug Joba got our blood boiling Friday night when he ONCE AGAIN threw high heat near Kevin Youkilis's head.

The sputtering Sox offense hasn't resembled the machine that devoured the league in '07 (and is getting almost nothing from the leadoff spot or the catchers). The bullpen seems to be regressing.

And Saturday's ugly 10-3 loss triggered flashbacks to the hideous lost weekend in 2006 when the Yankees won 5 games in 4 days.

(There was also the matter of watching LaMonica and Fernandez giggle like Robinson Cano over their first successful bet of the season).

A sweep tonight wouldn't be fatal for the Sox, but it wouldn't bode well, either. Which makes this one of those character-defining games, when the team's battle-tested veterans step forward, restore order and save the summer. Right, guys? Guys?!?

The problem, of course, is that those veterans are shouldering problems that transcend this recent slump. David Ortiz is trying to find his groove after nearly two months on the shelf. Old reliable Jason Varitek looks lost against good pitching, Curt Schilling is done for the year.

And, of course, our guy Manny Ramirez is once again picking the perfect time to flake out on his teammates. And this time he seems to have finally exhausted the patience of a loyal fanbase and generous ownership.

With the Yankees all primed to sweep the Sawx this weekend, I figure we make this interesting. So this goes out to Beans' Dennehy and Whittlebon...If the Red Sox win this three-game weekend series, La Monica and I will wear Sawx jerseys all day in the office on Tuesday. If the Yankees win the series, Dennehy, you'll be wearing my Jeter jersey to the afternoon news meetings. I'll let Mr. La Monica handle your attire Mr. Whittle.

Deal, fellas?

We can even do a photo gallery from Tuesday for our loyal readers. Hey is that Derek Jeter getting coffee in the cafeteria? Nope. Just Dennehy. What's Don Mattingly doing in the hallway? Oh wait...that's Whittle.

-- Fernandez

Well, how about that? The Red Sox are playing the Yankees this weekend. We'd almost forgotten those guys!

Sorry, over here in the Beans side we had just settled in to baseball mode after vanquishing our other "traditional" sports rival (and savoring that marathon footage of Kevin McHale destroying Kurt Rambis) only to find our ballclub in a first-second battle with....the RAYS! Those pesky, thuggish Rays.

But, sure, we can still take some time for a friendly wager with our old friends in the Bronx.

Understand, if it came to it, I would probably need a while to deliver on a Giambi-esque mustache. In fact, I may only be able to resurrect the '87 Bird classic.

Sorry, though. It won't be enough to see these Yankee guys wearing Celtic green or a BEAT L.A. shirts. It's not like that would really hurt them, not really having a legitimate basketball team to call their own.

No, I'm thinking of another style statement that would still relate to the latest Celtics championship run...

I want to see Gino shirts, maybe some Gino wigs. The dance is negotiable. Hey, it's not like it's October.

Even as I make this wager, I understand this is a bet LaMonica and Fernandez may may not mind losing.

--- Dennehy

Newsday/ J. Conrad Williams Jr.

Here we go, Beans Whittle and Dennehy. Let's see if you've got the guts to make another friendly wager based on the outcome of the upcoming Yankees-Red Sox series at the Stadium.

The Wager

Should the Yankees win the four-game series, Beans Whittle and Dennehy will have to pose for a photo wearing a Giambi-esque mustache which will then be posted in the blog.

Should the Red Sox win the four-game series, Bronx La Monica and Fernandez will pose with Dennehy's World Championship Celtics memorabilia for a photo to be posted in the blog.

You guys ready to step up? To quote the Mad Dog, "Show some guts!"

Yankees fans are already familiar with the work of Dr. Craig Morgan. (Don't remember the name? Well, see above.)

Which is why it was kind of funny when Morgan, the same man who made it possible for buddy Curt Schilling to break a million New York hearts that night in 2004, started speculating recently that the veteran pitcher might consider moving to the Bronx in 2009.

Suggesting that the Red Sox blew it by not allowing Schilling to have shoulder surgery before putting the veteran pitcher/Yankee killer on the 60-day DL, Morgan said maybe, just maybe, Schilling might be open to switching sides in the rivalry next year. "It's my opinion that he's (Schilling) angry enough that it's entirely conceivable, even though he's 40 years old, it's entirely conceivable that he will have the operation, rehab, and pitch for the Yankees next year," he said on ESPN radio.

How delicious! The man who once said there was nothing more enjoyable "than making 55,000 people from New York shut up" cheered by the same New York fans who were fickle enough to accept Clemens, Boggs and Damon?

The same guy who is so firmly inside the heads of Yankee fans that they started to find VINDICATION last year in this comical idea that his sock was actually covered in ketchup, suddenly mentoring young Kennedy, Hughes and Wang?

Except, of course, that Schilling says it's all garbage."Me wearing pinstripes, regardless of what point of the season or my career it would have been, is not an option," Schilling said on WEEI in Boston this morning. "It's not an option. Never has been an option."

Curt expounds more on the subject in his must-read blog, 38 Pitches.

Anyway, in the spirit of our once-and-future ace, and since our Bronx guys were such good sports when the Sox took last weekend's series, we're willing to float our own bet for the quickie series in the Bronx Wednesday and Thursday.

If the Yanks win both, I'll suck it up and throw on your Jeter jersey. But if the Sox win both, well, I see Heinz ketchup on your socks Friday morning. As a tribute to Curt.

The stains will come out in the wash. And if they don't, you can bury the soiled socks somewhere in the Bronx.

--Dennehy

That’s right, our Bronx guys made good on the bet they so smugly floated before the Red Sox-Yankees weekend series. And to the losers, go the lids.

Yup, that’s Bronx Fernandez, left, banned from certain Fenway-area eateries for his pro-Yankee aggression, sporting a blue Boston cap because the Red Sox took two out of three.

And, no, Bronx LaMonica isn’t trying to look like one of the kids. He’s trying to hide the fact that there’s a “B” on his cap.

You're good sports, guys. Here’s hoping we so you back in those caps in October.

And buck up, I know there are photos that are far more regrettable for Yankee fans.

Incidentally, while the Sox and Yankees went their separate ways after a weekend of tight games, their Monday games weren’t short on drama. The Yankees squandered a six run lead to Tampa Bay, (hey A-Rod and Damon – your teammates would have loved some of that punch over the weekend!) before a struggling Robinson Cano saved them with a game-winning home run.

And Big Papi started to emerge from his early-April freeze with a couple of hits, and Manny went DEEP again to give the Sox a ninth inning win in Cleveland.

A-Rod's first-inning home run off mediocre Rays pitcher Andy Sonnanstine was number 521 in his career, tying him with Red Sox great Ted Williams. We don’t like it -- Hey, A-Rod, how many wars interrupted YOUR career? -- but we can live with it.

Especially considering that Manny’s clutch ninth inning homer was number 493 in his career – pulling him into a tie with Yankee legend Lou Gehrig.

You can’t make this stuff up.

--Dennehy

Okay, the first series of the season goes to the Red Sox, as the bullpen shuts the door on the rubber game, 8-5.

I know it's early, the weather was lousy all weekend and we never even saw Derek Jeter or the iron of the Yankees bullpen.

But as LaMonica said, each of these head-to-head games is important. The Sox bullpen didn't break even with Okajima and Papelbon unavailable tonight. And Alex Rodriguez didn't connect for career home run 521 this weekend, preventing him from tying Ted Williams on the all-time list at Fenway Park, which would have been annoying.

And I won't have to wear a Bombers hat.

LaMonica and Fernandez, if it makes you feel any better, you'll be wearing a cap that was worn with distinction by Italian brothers like Rico Petrocelli and Tony Conigliaro. So you have that going for you.

-- Dennehy

Alright, Joe, slow down right there. Any of you fools executing the Riverdance in public, and there are no winners.

But, sure, I'll accept this hat business. While I share the concern about one of my caps being stretched beyond return, I'm a sport. In fact, I might have a few to choose from.


You want to go old school? The version worn by the Sox during a part of the Ted Williams era is an option. You may have seen photos - it's the one where the 'B' actually looked large and disfigured. It looked more like an '8.' Or like Boston's school kids made the hats that year to help out with the war effort.


Then there were the white ones with the blue bill they trotted out on Sundays about a decade ago. (This was a model made famous in the Whitey Bulger surveillance photos.)

I'm not a big fan of that one... kind of reminds me of a time when Tom Gordon was their ace.

(In fairness, Flash made an All Star game as a closer with the Sox. I'm not saying Tom was surprised that he made the team, but a buddy of mine saw him buying 25 copies of the Globe the day he was selected as an All Star.)

I've always like the vintage red cap with blue bill from the late 70's, from the golden age of Yaz, Fred Lynn and Pudge Fisk. That one loses points, though, because it accessorized those hideous pullover softball uniforms that accentuated just how lumpy dudes like George Scott really were.

Safe to stick with the traditional cap, I guess. And I'm pretty sure we can find an XXL for you guys. They found one to fit Brian Daubach.


-- Dennehy

Ok Bean Whittle, nice play. Enough of this check-raising...Bronx is all in!

If the Red Sox win this weekend's series: With both of us wearing Sox hats, La Monica has to do Papelbon's Riverdance while I recite the entire 2007 Red Sox championship roster...with you videotaping for the blog.

If the Yankees win this weekend's series: With Yankees hats on, Dennehy has to name his Top 10 positive reasons why Derek Jeter is his favorite shortstop, while Whittle dances to Cotton Eye Joe --- and we videotape it for the blog.

Guess what...that just happened.

-- Fernandez

Hey, LaMonica - I don't know if my hat will fit on your big ol' coconut, but you're on! You're about to find out just how far a Cornell education DOESN'T go. My journalism degree might be from Bill O'Reilly's alma mater, but I'm smart enough to know the Sox are gonna win this series and you're gonna have a red B on your head next week.

--Whittle

We may not be mayors, governors or other state-elected officials (aside from the sexual favors, the job is not what it's cracked up to be here in New York lately), but that won't prevent us from making bets.

The Bronx will step up to the plate right now and challenge the Beans to a bet on the first Yanks-Sox series of the season.

Here's the bet:

If the Yanks lose the series, Bronx La Monica and Bronx Fernandez will pose for a picture wearing Red Sox hats (provided by the Beans because I would never waste good money on such an offensive piece of fashion!) and post it in the blog for eternity.


If the Red Sox lose the series, Bean Dennehy and Bean Whittle will pose for a picture wearing Yankees hats and post it in the blog for eternity.


Will the Beans accept such a gutsy challenge here in the first month of the season? They've got until 6 p.m. EDT to accept or decline the invite.

Seriously, it would be Rich Gedman weak for the Beans not to accept, don'tcha think?

Man up, Beans!