Keyboard Quarterbacks

By Mark La Monica

Is it true? Could it be even remotely possible? Is Bell Belichick, the wise, almighty, all-knowing Bill Belichick a lying, cheating scoundrel and not a brilliant football coach?

We don't know the answer yet. However, allegations surfaced Monday that the Patriots were videotaping Jets coaches to steal their defensive signals during the 38-14 season-opening drubbing at the Meadowlands.

It's quite possible that this is all just some idol scuttlebutt or a whole big misunderstanding. It's quite possible that this is all for real.

With the NFL confiscating equipment from the Patriots, at the very least, we can raise some questions. How long has this been going on? Did it happen when Mangini was on staff in New England? Did he tip someone off? Did Belichick know? Is this what makes sixth-round draft pick Tom Brady so perfect a quarterback?

Can we pull out the steroids paintbrush -- you know, the paintbrush that makes us question every player who hits at least two home runs a month -- and craft a Picasso of lies from the Patriots' three Super Bowl rings in the past six years?

That's a bit pre-emptive at the moment, but it does create some intrigue. It also makes you wonder if the Patriots have been doing this for a long time. The Green Bay Packers think so.

Again, this is very early in the reporting stages, so how this plays out is anyone's guess.

Of course, you don't need to be a defensive guru to know that Jets cornerback David Barrett will give any receiver a 9-yard cushion on third-and-8. Nor do you need to have a degree from a fancy-pants college to know that Randy Moss is taller and faster than any Jets defensive back.

But, still. With the NFL investigating this story, as first reported by Jets Confidential (nice work, Dan Leberfeld!), it makes you stop and think for a few minutes. Why would the Patriots need to do it? Clearly, Brady is one of the three elite quarterbacks and is not allowed to lose in the Meadowlands. The dude is 7-0. Is Belichick that concerned with a team whose quarterback can't throw more than 30 yards downfield (and that's provided it's a seam route).

The NFL said Monday that if these allegations are proven true, the Patriots could face fines and the loss of draft picks. Oooooooooooooooooh! Hit them where it hurts, Roger Goodell!

A fine? Uh, Robert Kraft has quite a few bucks to cover that. A loss of a draft pick or two? Aren't the Patriots the best at digging up players from a nearby lumber yard and turning them into All-Pro players?

Seriously, commish. Man up, just like when Pacman Jones was booted for a year and Michael Vick for an indeterminate amount of time. Take the win away from the Patriots. What's right is right.

Otherwise, the NFL is saying it's OK to blatantly break the rules of the sport because what's the worst that can happen, the team pays a fine or loses a draft pick? Taking performance-enhancing drugs is bad because it cheats the players, the opponents and the fans. Those who do it and get caught are suspended for a few games and placed in a league program that includes frequent testing. But overtly videotaping an opponent to get an edge, that's only a monetary punishment? Really? No, really?

Guess what? The fans will pay that fine through increased parking fees and the always-fun personal seat licenses.

• Kill Bill, Vol. III
• Kill Bill, Vol. II
• Kill Bill, Vol. I