By Mark La Monica
On roughly 12 minutes of sleep last night/this morning, I made my way to the site of the new Yankee Stadium for a two-hour love affair with the Bronx sponsored by every politician who knows the borough's name doesn't end with "ks."
Some thoughts went through my head as I watched the world's greatest dog & pony show. These are those thoughts:
- Sixty people on one dais? That's not a dais, that's a congressional hearing.
- It took more than six minutes to introduce everyone on the dais? It took more than six minutes to introduce everyone on the dais! Old-school rapper Doug E. Fresh got just six minutes and he's the human beatbox, the entertainer.
- What are actor Billy Crystal, former NYC mayor David Dinkins and three dudes from Hess doing on the dais? What's next: "Ladies and gentleman, we proudly welcome home Yankee great Wayne Tolleson!"?
- Gotta love "Freddie Sez" getting a nice front-row seat with other VIPs and invited guests in the bleacher section to the right of the stage. His sign, by the way, read:
N.Y. YANKEES
FUTURE HOME
GOOD LUCK
- What's this? The ceremony is starting late because Gov. Pataki was delayed. Oh, please don't let me hear some bad baseball metaphor to explain his late movement in getting to Macombs Dam Park.
- How many people are going to speak at this thing? Oh, goodie, the program says 19.
- Dear Lord, please make sure John Sterling isn't one of those 19.
- Dear Lord, you must still be mad at me.
- First politico to bash the Red Sox? Late-arriver and outgoing governor George Pataki.
- There were 35 uses of the word "great" and its grammatical cousins during the various speeches. Surprisingly low considering the timeframe and the number of speakers.
- And 22 gratuitious in-speech "Please clap for me" rounds of applause. Only one was worthy: When some politician referenced Bernie Williams.
- I wish I had another notebook handy to keep track of all the "new chapters" and "future."
- I wish I had another notebook handy to keep track of all the incorrect grammar spoken by these elected officials.
- All this pomp and all this circumstance and you can't trot out one current Yankee player or manager or coach? That's poor.
- Surely, a few former players could have been on hand to join Yogi Berra. Not even special assistant to whatever, Reggie Jackson? He could have stirred a few drinks out there today.
- Where's Rudy Giuliani?