Keyboard Quarterbacks

By Mark La Monica

Put Carl Pavano in the game tonight. And tomorrow night. And the night after that. And the night after that. And, just for fun, the night after that.

Wouldn't you just love to have the Boss hand down that edict to Joe Torre? Better yet, wouldn't it be great if Torre just did it on his own?

It's painfully obvious to fans -- more painful than his strained ear lobe or whatever lame yang he's using this week -- that the wimp has no desire to ever pitch in pinstripes again.

Torre and his braintrust should just put Pavano in the bullpen and make him pitch every night.  Why not, that's what they do with Scott Proctor and Ron Villone (and Paul Quantrill, Mike Stanton and Jeff Nelson in years past).

But this would be malicious and it's time to act. Who cares if he blows out his shoulder and never pitches again? He's not going to pitch for the Yankees again anyway, so why not at least get a few $3 million innings from the wimp.

Seriously, I haven't seen a chump this bad since Jesse "The Body" Ventura used to call Hulk Hogan "The Chump" instead of "The Champ" in the mid-1980s.

Yankee fans would be so excited to hammer Pavano when he's on the mound that they wouldn't even care if the team lost all those games. Just more fodder for the bloodthirsty maniacs in the Bronx.

And, just an aside, fans may start to cheer A-Rod again just because he's not Carl Pavano.