Second in an occasional series about running down our sports dreams.
By Mark La Monica
The greens are nasty and the roughs can tear knee ligaments as if they were NFL running backs. So goes life for four days each June during the U.S. Open, traditionally golf’s most grueling test of skill.
Ever since watching the movie “Tin Cup” back in college in 1996, I’ve always wanted to qualify for and play in the U.S. Open. The movie, starring Kevin Costner and Rene Russo, is the classic story of a grody, lazy loafer reaching exquisite heights in the face of the establishment and landing the hot chick.
(I know what you’re thinking right now, but Costner’s sports movies and “The Untouchables” are watchable material.)
There’s only issue with this sports dream: I’m simply not very good at the game of golf.
Sure, there’s been the rare birdie and the occasional par. But there’s also been the frequent three-putt triple bogey, the omnipresent “I give up now before I even reach the green” 10, the recurring “drive that starts out straight then puts the blinker on and bangs a 90-degree right turn directly onto the fairway two holes over.”
These are major concerns for qualifying for golf’s toughest major. These are major concerns for those on any course the same time as me.
On Wednesday, my dream came true. Sort of. I bypassed that whole pesky sectional qualifying procedure and played Winged Foot, site of this year’s U.S. Open. Sort of.
Making the trip with Intrepid videographer friend Bobby to shoot some video for Newsday’s Web site, I brought a putter and one golf ball along for the ride. I had to at least try, right? When is the next time I’d be given free reign on a private U.S. Open course? This is another of those “Moral Imperative” moments. It’s gut-check, man-up time.
We brought the camera equipment to the 10th hole, the par-3 signature hole of A.W. Tillinghast’s masterpiece course. Golf course videography is difficult, unless of course, you’ve got the equipment and budget to do fly-bys. Yeah, we don’t have that. The closest thing we’ve got to that is the putter I have hidden down the right side of my jeans.
So part of the task is to walk the course and film the hole from different angles. I instructed Intrepid videographer friend Bobby there was no way in Hades that I was letting this opportunity slip by. He seemed on board with the project. Then again, we were both wearing jeans and sneakers on the Winged Foot Gold Course, which is a no-no according to the private club’s dress code. Rule-breaking seemed, um, par for the course.
When we approached the green for some filming, I came up with a great alibi just in case some wannabe Carl Spangler or USGA official came a-screamin’.
“We were just shooting a close-up of the putter striking the ball and rolling into the cup for part of our establishing shots and opening montage.”
Perfect. And we’d have the footage to back it up. Plenty of footage. After all, it’s important in video to have a few extra takes because you never know what will happen once you get into the editing room.
The pin on No. 10 was on the left side of the green, protected by a bunker. For those who actually have to hit from the tee box, they likely wouldn’t be able to attack the pin. Fortunately, I didn’t have that problem.
I set up a 10-foot putt. Slightly uphill, with a right-to-left break. Tough but sinkable.
In a high school physics class, I once learned about the theory of a frictionless world. I had forgotten about that lesson 13 years ago until three seconds after I putted.
I gave the ball a slight tap with the Nate Dogg (a West Coast hip-hop nod to my Nathan’s hot dog putter). Use your best “The Jetsons” flying car noise now because that ball flew.
Holy stimpmeters, Batman!
Putting on glass they say.
Chevy Chase oiling up his sled in “Christmas Vacation,” I say.
Mindful of the speed of the greens, I softened my swing and came up short on the second putt.
Hey Tiger, quick tip: these greens are a tad quick.
Putt three was a gem. A perfect 10-foot roll that dropped in on the left side of the cup. That’s right, the Nate Dogg just regulated at the U.S. Open. And it’s all caught on tape!
OK, so it wasn’t exactly the U.S. Open, but we can still dream, can’t we? Besides, it was 8 a.m. and I hadn’t slept in 22 hours.
With my new knowledge of the green and some adrenaline flowing after my newly found golfing prowess, I got a bit carried away.
“Bobby, let’s take a shot from over there . . . just in case,” I said with a sly smirk.
He agreed.
“Over there” meant the top of the green, some 30 feet away from the pin with a nasty downhill grade and left-to-right break.
I took one putt. Got within four feet of the cup.
Intrepid videographer friend Bobby, inspired by my earlier glory, asked for the Nate Dogg.
He walked up to the ball, four feet away from the cup. A tap-in compared to the monster putt I had to contend with on the first shot. After I did all the hard work of getting it close, he tapped it in.
He looked at me and says, “One for one!”
Ouch. Too bad for him I forgot to press record on the camera.