(Photo compilation by Tim Fiorvanti)
... and we're back. Lets meet our next three eligible gentlemen. Bachelor number one?
Bachelor 1: Hi, I'm Avery, and I'm from Dallas. I was very successful at my last job, where I took my team to the playoffs every year I was their coach. In 2006, I was the coach of the year, and I helped the Mavericks to their first and only NBA Finals. I have a reputation for being unable to finish the job, but rest assured, that won't be a problem. I like to take long walks on the beach, and I can speak fluent German.
Alright. Bachelor number two?
Bachelor 2: Hey, I'm Mark from New York. I'm a retired basketball player, and I would looove to be your coach. I've grown up in New York, played my college ball in New York, and I played for the Knicks. I may not be as experienced as everyone else, but I make up for that with character and a willingness to try everything, at least once. If you make me your coach, I promise you that Stephon Marbury will stay out of trouble, and I'll keep him away from the interns.
And bachelor number three?
Bachelor 3: My name is Mike, I'm from Phoenix, Arizona. I was a little apprehensive to do this at first but my wi.... err, general manager thought it would be a good idea if we "started seeing other people". I took the Suns to the conference finals twice, and we made the playoffs all four full years that I coached. I like to play fast and furious, so if you think you can keep up, you should pick me. As long as the money's right.
Now lets introduce our contestant tonight. He's the president of basketball operations for the New York Knicks, ladies and gentlemen let's put our hands together for the great Donnie Walsh.
Donnie: Thanks, Chuck, it's great to be here. Let's get ourselves a coach!
Alright Donnie, let's get started with the questions. Donnie?
Donnie: Sure thing. Bachelor number one. If I make you the coach of the Knicks, what can you provide us that the other's simply can't?
Avery:: That's easy. My teams have dominated in the regular season, and that was in the Western Conference. No offense, but besides the Celtics, there's not much competition in the East. I can have this team competing for a conference title inside three years. And I've actually been to the NBA Finals, unlike some people...
Mike: At least I didn't lose to an eight seed in the first round.
Avery: They had Baron Davis! There were match-up problems.
Alright, settle down, you'll all have your turn...
Donnie: Bachelor number two, same question.
Mark: I know New York, I can handle the media and the pressure. I'd have this team playing tough, gritty defense, get em back to the fundamentals. If you give me a chance, I will rock your world.
Donnie: Good answer number two. Bachelor three?
Mike:I'd change some of the personnel, and we'd play real fast. I'd like to build around guys like David Lee and Nate Robinson, guys who can run it all game long. I'd find a way to tra..(Cell Phone Rings) Hello? John Paxson? $25 million? I'll be on the next plane to Chicago. Sorry guys, it's been fun.
Um, we're going to take a commercial break. See you in two and two....
-- Tim Fiorvanti