by James Oliphant
The Federal Bureau of Investigation said Thursday that it had opened a preliminary investigation into whether retired pitcher Roger Clemens lied during his congressional testimony earlier this month.
Lying under oath before Congress is a federal crime. One of the points of contention, beyond whether Clemens was knowingly injected with steroids and human growth hormone, is whether he did or did not attend a party at ex-outfielder Jose Canseco's house in 1998.
Now, thanks to the Onion, we know why Clemens probably should have avoided Canseco's house altogether (as should every current major leaguer):
MIAMI—Former MLB star and admitted steroid user Jose Canseco extended an informal invitation Monday to over 500 current and former professional baseball players, requesting their presence at his house this coming weekend for his annual steroid party."Hey guys, big steroid bash at my place," Canseco said while handing out flyers at a Toronto Blue Jays spring training intrasquad game. "Nothing too fancy, just a bunch of guys, hanging out, taking steroids. Tell your friends."
The party is historically an extravagant affair, usually featuring women in bikinis carrying silver trays of various types of anabolic steroids, four VIP suites upstairs where guests can sample steroids from Canseco's personal collection, a giant 40-foot-tall ice syringe filled with Dianabol, oil paintings of steroids on the walls, a keg of steroids, a disco ball, and a punch bowl spiked with steroids. (read more)
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Comments
Jose Canseco's party was the unwitting star of those oh-so-important hearings.
This guy was on "The Surreal Life!" C'mon, how could one of his parties be the focus of a congressional investigation? The 40-feet ice syringe filled with diabonal made me LOL.
I want Jose's parties to now rival the Playboy Mansion for the place to be.
Posted by: Jeff | February 29, 2008 1:25 PM
This coming Jan 09, when Senator Obama is sworn in as President, we're going to have to open up a brand new Federal lockup just to hold all the liars from Texas (Clemens, Bush Jr, KKKarl Rove etc) who are going to be living there permanently.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/50087332@N00/382911007/
Posted by: John E | February 29, 2008 1:28 PM
Sometimes it's hard to tell the difference between the "Onion" and the "Swamp". Both have about the same standards of journalism.
The biggest difference is that people enjoy reading the "Onion".
Posted by: Peter Zenger | February 29, 2008 2:00 PM
Peter Zenger, er Bruce,
Why do you keep coming back if you don't enjoy reading the Swamp? That says more about your lack of character than using fake names does.
Posted by: john | February 29, 2008 3:22 PM
"JUSTICE DEPARTMENT SPEAKS"
Hear-dy Hear-dy if you are a civillian and you receive a Congressional Subpoena, "YOU MUST APPEAR PER THE LETTER OF THE LAW"
Unless you "lied under oath," "fabricated your story over and over" Unless you confirmed lying under oath to Congress.
So that means, Harriet Mier, Karl Rove, Josua Bolten and anyone else George Bush "deems above the law" must come before the new "FEDERALIST SOCIETY" Judicial Watch
"OVERSEERERS"
If there is anyone out there with a "big gulp" of "Barry Bonds" unrine would also help you with "IMMUNITY"
Posted by: Roger Morris | February 29, 2008 3:54 PM