Entourage: Let's Blog It Out

By Mark La Monica

Typically, when you avoid work on Mondays to read this space, you find the BPL, Writer Props and a specific riff on something from Sunday night's episode.

Today, we switch it up a bit. Don't worry, the BPL and Writer Props aren't going anywhere. But rather than blog it out about one specific thing, we're going to hit you up with random thoughts off a show where quite a bit happened. And here we go:

(NOTE: "Sopranos" spoiler at the end, just in case you didn't watch it yet this week)

* The feeling here is that episode will serve as the jumping-off point for major plot developments in Season 4. Only Doug Ellin and the cast know for sure, though.

* It's time for the writers to create a new movie title for Vince to pursue.

* Drama's "Victory" scream at the Grand Canyon has me searching Orbitz for flights out there. A watershed moment for those of us in the Drama Club.

* I never thought I'd see two people spark a relationship over sneakers. Clearly, we've all been looking for love in all the wrong places. Someone call Mars Blackman. It's gotta be the shoes!

* Prediction: Lloyd is going to become an agent at Miller Gold soon and work magic for Drama's career.

* Prediction: E is going to manage Drama's career.

* L.A. friend Skirts read for the part of Variety writer Paul Schneider. Here's a snippet of an email he sent late last week:

Thought of your blog today. It was a bittersweet moment for Skirts today. I read for the part of the TV reviewer who hates Drama's new TV show in next week's episode of Entourage, but I didnt get the part. They went with some nerdy looking guy.

Tough break, Skirts. You would have killed in that role.

* Carla Gugino is hot (even hotter in real life as I learned at the "Gardener of Eden" world premiere at Tribeca Film Festival, but I didn't miss her this week on the show. It's strangely comforting to have Ari back in the driver's seat.

* What job will Rufus have next? First he pimped home video systems, now he's pimping rides. Is his daughter next?

* Turtle as a girl's boyfriend is making a serious bid for "inherently funny" status. (Right now, it's just chimps, midgets, farting, people falling down and Johnny Drama).

* Vince and E as producers is an interesting turn for the show to take. Let's see if they stick with it.

Here's the spoiler alert, for those of you who read over it the first time 

 * I'm still a little shocked that Christopher Moltisanti died an hour earlier.

By Mark La Monica

This week's show had more cameos than a "Word Up" karaoke contest.

Artie Lange's turn as Scottie, Ari's friend from college, didn't seem to make much sense in the grand scheme of the show other than to show Ari in a more personal light.

Chuck Liddell, the UFC champion, was hilarious.

But Pauly Shore has to go. His career "got got" about 12 years ago. Why people find him amusing is beyond comprehension. His act was lame when he was popular. His act, which hasn't changed since people chilled with the weasel, is even lamer now.

In an episode that won't make the series' top 10, Shore gave us all a reason to get back those 30 minutes of space on our DVRs and TiVos. Liddell should have popped Shore in the grill three times and then made him tap out.

Shore has made three cameos on the show, including getting thrown out of the Playboy Mansion and sitting in Drama's agent's office at the end of Season 2. He's received more than enough free face time on "Entourage."

The majority of cameos on the series involve the person doing the cameo making fun of themselves to some degree. With Shore, you almost get the feeling he thinks these bit parts will help get him a steady gig elsewhere and return to the spotlight.

Celebrity Deathmatch should feature a Pauly Shore vs. Dom match to decide the worst side character in the show's run.

If Kevin Dillon wasn't already the real-life Johnny Drama, then Pauly Shore would be. Only one problem with that: Pauly Shore is painfully not funny.

By Mark La Monica

Hokies friend Lloyd launched a text message in my direction at 10:25 p.m. Sunday night, or right about the time agent Amanda, played by Carla Gugino, offered up her wonderfully delightful body up to Vince Chase on "Entourage."

The message was simple and similar to the ones I get all the time: "I want to be Vincent Chase."

I sent the only response necessary: "We all do."

It's such a standard reply that I have it saved it in my cell phone as a quick text. It's quite the time-saver.

It would seem that Amanda, Vince's new agent, doesn't like sexual tension in her workplace. Plus, the quite-hot brunette is in the throes of a power struggle with Ari Gold for Vince's attention and business. So, she decides to offer Vince something no other agent in the game can: the opportunity to, um, do things with her. (Damn you, Best Printable Line guidelines!)

Right about at that moment, a collective "I hate my life" was heard all over Man Town, U.S.A.

Let us get this straight: The woman in charge of shaping Vince's movie career wants to eliminate any future issues between the two by engaging in a whole bunch of unattached and exquisite sexual encounters, and she tells him this without hesitation after he says she's cute?

I want to be Vincent Chase!

The dream of a sugarmommy has lived in the male brain for quite some time. Forget the stereotype of rich, powerful men playing the rich, powerful role for the ladies. We here at "Entourage, the blog" believe wholeheartedly in equality.

Give us a sugarmommy any day. An assertive, powerful woman who can support herself (and us) more than comfortably and is secure enough to overtly go after a dude she works for.

I would vacuum the house every day. Tend to the vegetable garden. Water the lavenders every other day. Whatever. Mr. Mom? Please! Michael Keaton wouldn't hold a candle to a sugar-mommied Entourage, the blog writer.

Not even Tom Cruise when he comes back to New York from Jamaica in "Cocktail" would come close.

Sugarmommies are dreamy. Alluring. Coveted. Hot.

(Hang on while I go check my thesauras.)

Enchanting. Captivating. Magnetizing. Enticing. Charismatic. Bewitching.

And so far away from happening to us regular fellas.

Damn, I want to be Vincent Chase.

By Mark La Monica

Television shows that strike a direct chord with their target audiences soar in the popularity contest of network and the less official but more crucial word-of-mouth ratings.

"Entourage" did that in its first season. It has become the quintessential "Oh my God, that's me and my crew minus the money and access" show for males 18-34 (or 45, for those in the Johnny Drama demographic), just as "Sex and the City" was for women.

Every now and again, I see something on the show and become convinced that Doug Ellin and the show's other creative people have been secretly filming and recording the things I do and say. Or maybe it was just something in the water in Merrick, the town we both called home, back in the 1980s.

This latest occurence, not surprisingly, involved Drama, Turtle and the dog park.

Continue reading "Best in show: Dogs always work" »

By Mark La Monica

My wildest birthday party consisted of Mama La Monica trying to figure out how to make me a Pac Man-shaped cake when I turned 10.

OK, there were a few wilder ones once vodka-cran and rum-and-coke became legitimate replacements for record holders and NERF footballs as birthday gifts.

However, I doubt anyone reading this blog has ever had their birthday bash on a huge boat with more than 800 invited guests. And corporate sponsorship! (If you have, shoot me an email because I've got a few side projects we should discuss.) Then again, perhaps the Entourage boys are fans of this Internet nook and cyber-cranny.

If the Las Vegas episode from Season 3 didn't make you want to call in sick to work on Monday morning from the pool at the Hard Rock, then this episode will make you wish your birthday was around the corner and your crew had some juice.

Imagine you had a high five-digit budget to throw your friend (and best financial asset) a sick birthday party. You'd need to cash in three sick days and a personal day just to recover from the afterparty. Then again, with a Victoria Secret-sponsored birthday party on a beautiful luxury yacht with the beautiful Alessandra Ambrosio on one arm, do you really need an afterparty?

People, this is possible. To some degree. The beautiful people are up to you, but the other stuff is doable.

Take a lesson from Turtle. Alcohol companies will donate plenty of bottles for parties. All you need is the right phone number and the right pitch. Of course, Turtle can just say "Yeah, my boy, A-list movie star Vincent Chase will be photographed drinking your [insert preferred type of booze here] at his birthday party which will be loaded with plenty of young, hot people in the Hollywood industry that set the trends for young regular people all across the country."

We Z-list people may not have that luxury, but the free swag is there for the taking. We're not dressing up in a bright-colored suit with question marks all over it to prove it to you, but you can find free stuff for your next big bash if you know where and how to look.

Seriously. Google some PR companies. They love to give out clients' free product more than we cringe at paying ATM fees.

Gift bags aren't hard to create. Call a company that thrives on reaching the young people with some disposable cash. Say the right things and they'll force your local UPS or DHL person to buy a new pair of workshoes. Start with magazines and cosmetic companies. Take a look at small clothing boutiques. Can't hurt to try, right?

Bottled water is another great avenue to drive down for your party. It's a competitive world. Make the call. It's worth a shot.

Cartier won't throw wristwear with diamonds in them at you for a small gathering at the local dive bar. But you might be able to get free T-shirts out of Billy Bob's Pizza and Rib Road House. You never know. Again, it's worth a call.

It all depends on what you believe you can do.

Thing big. Think small. Huh?

Cast as wide a net as possible and hope to reel one in. Aim high, but have a Plan B, C, D and E.

This good life doesn't have to just be for celebrities in Hollywood or New York City. You can get a taste.

Just be sure to invite me. I'll bring the Pac Man cake.

P.S. Plenty more thoughts on Episode 1 below.
P.P.S. Check back here on Friday for a BPL big announcement.

By Mark La Monica

As I live into my 30s and reminisce more and more about the good ol' days with college friends, it grows more obvious that nothing lasts forever. Same goes for television.

The sad reality is that there can only be a handful of seasons left for "Entourage."

But, dang, the series in Season 3.5 is still going strong and showing no sign of slowing down. In fact, it can only grow its audience now that the longest hour of the week, the 60 minutes leading up to the first airing Sunday nights at 10 p.m., is filled with what is known in some circles as "The Sopranos." In this circle, it's known as "that pesky little pregame workout."

Ari Gold is still a conniving wiseass and brilliantly funny. Vince is still care-free. Turtle is still hustling. Drama is still Drama. And Sloan still makes me mad for being so ridiculously beautiful.

The start to Season 3.5 had everything we've grown to expect, along with a few new wrinkles. Vince's new agent, Amanda, played by Carla Gugino, seems tough and tender. She's the antithesis of Ari as an agent, but can scratch and claw just like him.

Ari is on the outside looking in. That's a new dynamic. It was almost too painful watching the awkward (but perfectly acted) scenes between him and Vince in the first episode.

Drama's got his own show, "Five Towns." It remains to be seen how he'll screw it up, but the guess here is that the 18-34 population in Cedarhurst, Hewlet, Inwood, Lawrence, and Woodmere will double in three months. (Non-Long Islanders and New Yorkers can read about the Five Towns.)

The first episode of the new season (OK, technically, it's part of Season 3, but a seven-month hiatus makes it feel new) has to handle setting up new storylines while maintaining the continuity of the previous seasons. It's not an easy task. But this opener move the series forward while looking back just enough.

P.S. Check back here on Friday for a BPL big announcement.