Entourage: Let's Blog It Out

By Mark La Monica

This week's show had more cameos than a "Word Up" karaoke contest.

Artie Lange's turn as Scottie, Ari's friend from college, didn't seem to make much sense in the grand scheme of the show other than to show Ari in a more personal light.

Chuck Liddell, the UFC champion, was hilarious.

But Pauly Shore has to go. His career "got got" about 12 years ago. Why people find him amusing is beyond comprehension. His act was lame when he was popular. His act, which hasn't changed since people chilled with the weasel, is even lamer now.

In an episode that won't make the series' top 10, Shore gave us all a reason to get back those 30 minutes of space on our DVRs and TiVos. Liddell should have popped Shore in the grill three times and then made him tap out.

Shore has made three cameos on the show, including getting thrown out of the Playboy Mansion and sitting in Drama's agent's office at the end of Season 2. He's received more than enough free face time on "Entourage."

The majority of cameos on the series involve the person doing the cameo making fun of themselves to some degree. With Shore, you almost get the feeling he thinks these bit parts will help get him a steady gig elsewhere and return to the spotlight.

Celebrity Deathmatch should feature a Pauly Shore vs. Dom match to decide the worst side character in the show's run.

If Kevin Dillon wasn't already the real-life Johnny Drama, then Pauly Shore would be. Only one problem with that: Pauly Shore is painfully not funny.

By Mark La Monica

It took four episodes but Johnny Drama finally jumped into the race for the Season 3.5 Big Knish Award for most Best Printable Lines.

He ripped off about a dozen or so great lines in the Chuck Liddell parking lot encounter, but he capped it off with an ultimate gem when he got back to the house.

In one of his patented "Falling Down" hypochondriac meltdowns, Drama tells the guys: "I got a lifetime of looking over my shoulder to look forward to. I'm like Henry Hill."

Best Printable Line Standings
(through four weeks)
E 2
Drama 1
Sloan 1
Ari 0
Vince 0
Turtle 0

By Mark La Monica

For the entire run of "Entourage," Johnny Drama has been clamoring to restart his once almost-successful career.

Every movie or commercial Vince got, Drama begged for a part. He even found his way onto Kimmel when Vince did a spot on the talk show. Whatever he Drama do to pull off some face time and make some scratch and get back in the game.

It's been the best running joke on the show.

With this is mind, did you happen to notice the small uptick of excitement in Drama's face when, after bashing Pauly Shore, Turtle tells Drama that Shore wants him to be in his new hidden-camera TV show?

That bit of subtlety earned Week 4 Writer Props.

By Mark La Monica

In the offseason of television series, actors often find other projects to occupy their time, fatten the wallets and satisfy creative urges.

In between seasons of "Entourage," Kevin Connolly has been directing his first feature film entitled "Gardener of Eden." The film stars Lukas Haas and Erika Christensen, with a small role by played by Jerry Ferrara, aka Turtle.

We scored a sit-down with Connolly hours before the movie made its world premiere Thursday night at the Tribeca Film Festival.

By Mark La Monica

Hokies friend Lloyd launched a text message in my direction at 10:25 p.m. Sunday night, or right about the time agent Amanda, played by Carla Gugino, offered up her wonderfully delightful body up to Vince Chase on "Entourage."

The message was simple and similar to the ones I get all the time: "I want to be Vincent Chase."

I sent the only response necessary: "We all do."

It's such a standard reply that I have it saved it in my cell phone as a quick text. It's quite the time-saver.

It would seem that Amanda, Vince's new agent, doesn't like sexual tension in her workplace. Plus, the quite-hot brunette is in the throes of a power struggle with Ari Gold for Vince's attention and business. So, she decides to offer Vince something no other agent in the game can: the opportunity to, um, do things with her. (Damn you, Best Printable Line guidelines!)

Right about at that moment, a collective "I hate my life" was heard all over Man Town, U.S.A.

Let us get this straight: The woman in charge of shaping Vince's movie career wants to eliminate any future issues between the two by engaging in a whole bunch of unattached and exquisite sexual encounters, and she tells him this without hesitation after he says she's cute?

I want to be Vincent Chase!

The dream of a sugarmommy has lived in the male brain for quite some time. Forget the stereotype of rich, powerful men playing the rich, powerful role for the ladies. We here at "Entourage, the blog" believe wholeheartedly in equality.

Give us a sugarmommy any day. An assertive, powerful woman who can support herself (and us) more than comfortably and is secure enough to overtly go after a dude she works for.

I would vacuum the house every day. Tend to the vegetable garden. Water the lavenders every other day. Whatever. Mr. Mom? Please! Michael Keaton wouldn't hold a candle to a sugar-mommied Entourage, the blog writer.

Not even Tom Cruise when he comes back to New York from Jamaica in "Cocktail" would come close.

Sugarmommies are dreamy. Alluring. Coveted. Hot.

(Hang on while I go check my thesauras.)

Enchanting. Captivating. Magnetizing. Enticing. Charismatic. Bewitching.

And so far away from happening to us regular fellas.

Damn, I want to be Vincent Chase.

By Mark La Monica

Vince and E just got railed on by their new agent, Amanda, about the "Glimpses" project she presented them in the Season 3.5 opener.

Rehashing the scene outside as they talked to Drama and Turtle, E came through with this week's Best Printable Line.

Since E and Vince are going to reread the script for "Glimpses," Turtle says he and Drama are going to head to the Dodgers game.

E wasn't having any of that.

"Just for that, I'm getting four copies," E said. "You guys can read some Edith Warton, too. Let us know what the retards of America think."

Season 3.5 Best Printable Line Standings
(through three weeks)
E 2
Sloan 1
Ari 0
Drama 0
Turtle 0
Lloyd 0

By Mark La Monica

Ari Gold lost his mojo for most of this episode. Suddenly, his abrasive, brutal (yet endearing) charm returned quicker than Drama's celebrity spotlight.

Once he confessed his emotional problems over the Vince breakup to his therapist, he snapped back into place, stormed back into his agency and very publicly fired an agent.

Fueled up from that energy, Ari walks out of the conference room and sees an overweight girl in the office walking the hallways eating a candy bar and blurts out to her, "Skip it, GInny."

Harsh and punishing to the girl's soul.

It was a classic Ari Gold moment destined for his highlight reel on the Ari Gold Experience DVD, and the recipient of this week's Writer Props.

By Mark La Monica

This one is just pure brilliance. Props to Web friend Cocoa, who earned instant Friend of the blog status upon receipt of this link.

I won't even waste yours or my time explaining what this is. Just click this freakin' link and enjoy.

P.S. That link pops off into a new window so you can do what it tells you to do and then easily return here to post your results.

P.P.S. I'm E, who are you?

By Mark La Monica

Props to the people responsible for 1,357 votes in our first-ever "You pick the BPL" feature after Episode 2 of this season.

The poll results are in, and at this point "Entourage, the blog" is calling the Best Printable Line vote in favor of Sloan. In a race featuring five contenders, Sloan won a 52.2 percent majority vote with her dig on her boyfriend E.

In Episode 2, Sloan tries to convince E that they should go on vacation alone, not with Vince and a lady friend. E doesn't think that's possible. Sloan says, "You're a little Vince's boy."

The complete final results:

Season 3.5 Best Printable Line Standings
(through two weeks)
E 1
Sloan 1
Ari 0
Drama 0
Turtle 0
Vince 0
Lloyd 0

By Mark La Monica

Television shows that strike a direct chord with their target audiences soar in the popularity contest of network and the less official but more crucial word-of-mouth ratings.

"Entourage" did that in its first season. It has become the quintessential "Oh my God, that's me and my crew minus the money and access" show for males 18-34 (or 45, for those in the Johnny Drama demographic), just as "Sex and the City" was for women.

Every now and again, I see something on the show and become convinced that Doug Ellin and the show's other creative people have been secretly filming and recording the things I do and say. Or maybe it was just something in the water in Merrick, the town we both called home, back in the 1980s.

This latest occurence, not surprisingly, involved Drama, Turtle and the dog park.

Continue reading "Best in show: Dogs always work" »

By Mark La Monica

For those who didn't thoroughly enjoy last week's season premiere, here's hoping you thoroughly lost your mind at all the bombs dropped in Episode 2: "Dog Day Afternoon."

And for those of you who missed Friday's Big BPL announcement, here's a refresher course. It's the readers' turn to choose the Best Printable Line. We're putting up a few nominees and you've got until 11:59 p.m. Monday night to cast your vote. Vote once, vote multiple times. Tell your friends. We'll announce the winner Tuesday morning.

Nominee 1: Sloan
Sloan is trying to convince E that they should go on vacation alone, not with Vince and a lady friend. E doesn't think that's possible when Sloan says, "You're a little Vince's boy."

Nominee 2: Turtle