Photoshopped in a way not particularly complimentary to my hard-working counterparts at the Gray Lady. In fact, I do believe Fox turned them into serial killers or psychopaths. You be the judge...

What was their sin? Having the GALL to question the fact that FNC's ratings are blah while CNN/MSNBC's are growing. Here's what Loosey Goosey Doocy said on the air this morning:

"There was a hit piece by somebody in The New York Times. The writer was a fellow by the name of Jacques Steinberg, and he's been doing a bunch of attack stories on Fox News Channel. Well, there's some backstory to it, and that is this: His boss, the guy who assigned him to this, is a fellow by the name of Steven Reddicliffe, and Mr. Reddicliffe actually used to work for this company. He worked -- I think he was the editor in charge of TV Guide until circulation went down under his tenure -- something like, 40 percent. So, he got fired, and according to Radar Online, this guy has had an ax to grind."

Then, up come the pictures! MM has the real pix on the left, the doctored FNC one is on the right...Get me makeup!!!

Naturally, got me to thinking - what would those photoshop trolls at FNC do to ME if I had the temerity to question the deterioration of their ratings...

Have you sat down yet?

Good. Well, here it is. Oh wait, you've already read my headline, so you know what I'm about to lay on you: Shannen Doherty is "in talks" to join the "Bev Hills 90210" remake, although I must say that the phrase "in talks" as it applies to Doherty seems rather tame: I'd prefer "in screams."

So let's go with that. Shannen Doherty is in screams to return to the show that made her Shannen Doherty. Perez Hilton is reporting this this ayem, and I'm of a mind to believe it. The reasons are evident. She's trying to sell one of her Malibu homes (how many does she have? I don't know. Hold up your hand and count your fingers.) Her TV career, such as it once was, has been reduced to "Breaking up with Shannen Doherty." She is now, and pretty much ever has been, famous for being infamous. Why not be in screams to return to this re-make?

If true - and again, I believe it - then this would catapult this show (which could actually save the entire CW from cancellation) into a whole new realm. Of course, a great and exciting realm. First of all, the newbie would have to deal with a vast amount of back stuff - like where DID Brenda disappear to after season four, and was her love with Dylan forever and ever, or just one of those primetime fling things?

And of course, if you bring back Brenda, you gotta deal with Dylan - who was, I'm also insulting you with this utterly needless reminder, Luke Perry. What about Dylan? Will the producers try to get a cameo outta Luke? Will he even show up to the same room as Doherty? And Brandon? He's roaming out there in primetime limbo too. With Brenda on-board, that's going to have to be resolved too. It's not enough to write the script this way: Brenda: "Oh yes, I still deeply love Dylan, whereever he is...Brandon's on the phone? I'll take it..."

Jason - will you too take the call from the producers?

Meanwhile, if you're still with me, here's a six-minute clip from the ten-year re-union. Proves that the rest of the cast doesn't TOTALLY hate Shando, but then these are actors. One never knows, does one?

But the challenge is obvious. Think of all the books on this show - dozens, and thematically, you could say they were not exactly conceived under the same roof. This will be one bizarro book club - fun, interesting, wild, and a little/lot schizoid. How else to describe a book club that will include selections like Clancy's "Rainbow Six" (above) and "The Wizard of Oz?"

But I'm getting ahead of myself. Here's the deal: AMC is launching a contest to a.) get more people to watch its break-out hit; and b.) Offer a lucky Pratt wannabe to stand next to Don Draper and tell him how to create a new campaign for Clearasil.... The cameo will air in the third season (which I don't believe AMC has even officially announced yet.)

Details, per AMC: "Just perform pre-selected lines for Don Draper, Pete Campbell, Roger Sterling, Betty Draper, Peggy Olson or Joan Holloway and send us your video." I checked out some of the lines, and they're pretty well-known to "MM" fanatics - like the one after Roger recovers from his heart attack and tells Joan Holloway (right) what, ummm, a nice lady she is, and how lucky he is to have, ummmm, known her. Or the time when Campbell says he invented direct marketing.

AMC says to go here for more details and how to enter, etc.

And...the second season begins July 27. But you already knew that.

At first, and like everyone else, when I heard the idea, I doubled up in agony, my very soul torn - nay, ripped - by the idea of such a monstrosity. Then, my stomach turned. Then, my head reeled. Then, I collapsed on the floor, writhing in nausea, wracked by a sense of futility, and plunging into a psychic - nay, existential - despair so deep and dark that I feared for my very sanity. (And still do.)

Anyway, this is kinda how I reacted when I first heard the idea of a Heidi/Spencer reality show. It would follow these two around after they got married - you know, to stores. It was sort of a "Nick & Jessica Meet Heidi & Spence and Go Shopping." It was first reported in early April by the Keith-Olbermann-loving "Page 6" crew.

I could see this show in my jaundiced mind's eye, as they went from Bottega Veneta, to David Orgell, to Dolce & Gabbana, to Louis Vuitton, to Ungaro, to Prada Epicenter, and finally ended up at Liz Lange Maternity.

Cut to tight head shot of Spencer, as he's thinking, "could baby make THREE?"

Why ponder this again? Because USA Today had the biggest story of the week so far yesterday, and wrote - contrary to popular opinion and all that is holy - that this SHOW IS ACTUALLY GONNA HAPPEN.

Here are outtakes, in case you missed this, as I did, until just a few minutes ago:

"This August, she and Pratt are headed to Africa to 'feed children and help build things,' [says Heidi.] Cameras will capture their trek, but not for 'The Hills.' Pratt says it's possible they could adopt a baby while over there, but Montag laughs that idea off.

"'Not right now,' she insists. 'I think we'd be married before we do that.'"

[Translation: They're not gonna spoil that money shot of Spencer reax at Liz Lange.]

Now, here's the rest.

"Montag and Pratt will wrap up their time on 'The Hills' after this season and launch their own MTV reality series along the lines of Newlyweds: Nick & Jessica — Montag's all-time favorite show.

"Any concern such constant camera presence could lead her and Pratt down the same doomed path as the since-divorced Lachey and Simpson?

"'I don't really feel that way,' she says. 'You're either going to make it as a couple or you're not. I love cameras, but the cameras aren't with us when we're falling asleep at night.'"

It's OK. I'm feeling much better now. Thanks for your concern. After I get off the phone with my shrink to get a re-fill, I'll get right over to my friends at MTV to ask the obvious questions.

"Hi everyone. It's me! And Heidi! We're getting married. And we're going to have our own TV show. And you're going to watch because you can't help yourself! And we don't care about cynics, and miserable critics - those sad lifeless creeps who can't afford even a toothpick at Dolce's. We're in love, and we're going to Africa and we're maybe going to adopt a baby and run into Brangelina. Cameras will follow us. We'll be even more famous. Did I say - we're in love? Well, we are." Picture: People Mag.

Gulp. What's a "de facto strike?" Is it like being half pregnant, or halfway to being half pregnant, or WHAT?

In any event, the negotiating arm of the studios - the AMPTP - last night released this statement, saying the industry was now in this half-way strike, just as the contract for SAG came to an end at midnight. It also said it had given the actors ifs final and best offer - which, interestingly and hardly surprisingly, was probably identical to the one the writers got last winter.

De Facto strike? This is what I think it means: That until actors agree to a deal, production will slowly and inexorably wind down, like some sort of giant clock, until... In other words, the AMPTP said last night - in effect - that no new production will take place until they've got a deal. This is a heck of a lot better than a studio lock-out, which was a remote possibility, but still chilling.

Also: While this is probably bad for movie production, it's less problematic for TV because series have remained in production since the writers' strike ended. They've done this not simply to fill the empty vault but in the possibility (likelihood) that this day would come. In other words, they can complete their orders, which means a full season of serial television in 2008-09.

Here's part of the statement: "Our industry is now in a de facto strike, with film production virtually shut down and television production now seriously threatened. In an effort to put everyone back to work, the AMPTP today presented SAG our final offer - a comprehensive proposal worth more than $250 million in additional compensation to SAG members, with significant economic gains and groundbreaking new media rights for all performers.

"Our $250 million offer is consistent with the four other labor agreements already reached this year with DGA, WGA, AFTRA Network Code and AFTRA Prime-Time Exhibit A. In addition, our offer addresses issues that SAG identified as being of utmost concern to its members, including tailoring our new media framework for SAG in areas such as feature films and significant gains for working actors."

Here's a bit of what SAG had to say:

"The AMPTP today delivered a last-minute, 43-page offer that upon initial examination appears to be generally consistent with the AFTRA deal, particularly in its provisions relating to new media. The union is reviewing the complex package and will prepare a response to management once that analysis is complete."

In other words, lets keep talking.

So, will there be a deal? Will there be an actors' strike? Yes, to the first question, no to the second. Again, SAG is waiting for results of the AFTRA vote, due early next week. If that deal passes - expected - then SAG will probably eventually accept this one too.

Now, if this all sounds suspiciously (to you) like a publicity stunt to advertise a new "Office" board and DVD game, then your suspicion is well-founded.

Here's the full-day sched:

9:00 a.m. – 2K Fun Run [Wear your favorite office attire! Prizes for best dressed, best character look-a-likes and fastest.]

10:30 a.m. – "The Office" Trivia Challenge [Are you an "Assistant to the Regional Manager" or the "Regional Manager" when it comes to "The Office" trivia? The Challenge will feature questions from "The Office" Trivia Game.]

12:00 p.m. – Beet Eating Contest [Straight from Dwight's farm...well, after being canned.]

1:30 p.m. – 2:30 p.m. – Autograph Session [The first 125 customers who purchase "The Office" DVD Board Game or "The Office" Trivia Game at Boscov's at The Mall at Steamtown in Scranton, PA, on July 19 will be able meet Mindy Kaling and have her autograph their game.]

In a canned quote, Kelly said: "I have been to Scranton before and am really excited to return for this fun event!"

And...in "Office" casting news: NBC did just now formally confirm a batch of trade reports this ayem, that Amy Ryan will be back in season 5 to reprise her Holly Flax role. She'll be on board for "multiple" episodes. Is this a surprise? Hardly! She was great and the last we saw of her, she was driving off with Kevin, whom she believed to be retarded...

You heard about this spin-off/another-surefire-way-to-exploit-"HSM" reality show based on "High School Musical?" It's called “High School Musical: Get in the Picture.” Hosted by Nick Lachey, it's one of those comp series that's looking for the country's most talented teens, etc. Winner won't necessarily get a spot in "HSM III" or "IV" but they will get noticed and get noticed on primetime tv; bows July 20.

In any event, the show will be at Jones Beach on July 5, this Saturday, and Sunday at Robert Moses. Bring your talent and bring your sunscreen.

Press release details: The show will go to to "beaches on both coasts with branded ice cream trucks offering games and prizes. Beach goers will be able to cool off with free ice cream at East and West Coast locations over the 4th of July weekend and on additional dates leading up to the premiere of the show.

"In addition, visitors can win prizes including Kmart gift cards, t-shirts, DVDs and soundtracks, and participate in various games and events, including karaoke, a trivia wheel and a green screen photo booth -- so you can literally 'Get in the Picture' of 'High School Musical.'”

It'll be at parking lot 4 at JB, and Field 5 at RMB.

(Photo: Oooooh! It's Nick...yoohoo, NICK, over here!!! Pix by Gerardo Mora / Getty Images.)