The TV Zone

Of course, what would a post-Emmys day be without a post-Emmys awards show on TV Zone - a scurrilous and unvarnished bestowing of that which is so richly deserved unto to those who so richly deserve it. Here goes:


The "What in God's Name Were We Thinking" Citation to...The five reality show hosts. An opening so bad as to defy description, so lame as to befuddle commentary, so long as to render the meaning of time meaningless.

The Why's SHE/HE Here Award: Oprah. Every year someone turns up and their only purpose is to stop people from reaching for the remote. Oprah was in the designated role, and the poor lady was handed a script that said something about how tough times were in the the poor underpaid world of television, while hastily adding that - yeah, in the rest of the world too. Good to know.

The Dumb, Dumb, and Dumber Decision Award: To, the Academy, for refusing to allow political commentary. You ask Tom Smothers to a show to receive a special writing award, and of course, Smothers is arguably the single biggest symbol of quashed political speech there is on TV, insofar as he and Dickie were fired forty years ago for getting Bill Paley in a raging knot over the subject? And one of the reasons you're giving this award is to sorta certify that long-ago ban? And yet you tell everyone they can't say anything political? I suspect the Academy feared it'd get a Palin reference, or GWB whack, every third or so acceptance speech, culminating with a frothy-mouthed denunciation of the last eight years from Alec Baldwin. But the Emmys also usually have a self-regulating mechanism in place, in which the first anti-GWB rip meets with polite applause and modest laughter, and the second, a little less so. The third? Stony silence, meaning, "shut the hell up and get off the stage so we can get outta here." Smothers still got in his veiled - and perfectly obvious - swipe, and the audience mostly just sat on their hands. And Colbert's prune gag? That too was obvious, but got actually some laughs.

The Uh-Oh-This-Could-be-a-Long-Night Award to Jeremy Piven: Not because he didn't deserve to win, but because he DID win, once again proving at Emmy time that there's no such thing as too much awarding. Go ahead! Give the guy another statue and forget all the other poor saps who did pretty good work too. Even James Spader musta been thinking, "God, please, anybody but ME AGAIN!!!" Bryan Cranston's victory was a very pleasing reminder that sometimes surprises actually break out at the Emmys.

The "It Seemed Like a Good Idea on Paper" Award to: Josh Groban. And indeed it did, until he got to the "South Park" song and was forced to go up a couple octaves, making the rest of the routine a parody, which I guess it pretty much was. Much better to have juggled a few classics, and leave it at that. Believe me - Matt and Trey wouldn't have minded being left out.