The TV Zone

There's one thing about this gig that makes it all worth while - that little moment that puts a smile on the face, a spring in the step, some joy in the heart, pleasure in the brain (running out of cliches...)

And that is this: The possibility that one day in the not-too-distant future, the nice man from DHL will come by and say, "hello there, Mister Gay. Here's your copy of 'Beverly Hills, 90210!' The re-make! The one that Tori Spelling is not in! I look forward to reading your review in the Newsday."

And now, that possibility has been dashed - forever.

Check out this recent email from the CW:

"The CW and our studio partner CBS Paramount Network Television have made the strategic marketing decision not to screen "90210" for any media in advance of its premiere. We're not hiding anything - simply keeping a lid on 90210 until 9.02, riding the curiosity and anticipation into premiere night, and letting all our constituents see it at the same time."

Let's deconstruct:

- "Strategic marketing decision..." [Herewith the real conversation between the studio partners: "Chrissakes, you mean Tori just bailed?! Well, we gotta re-shoot - burn the negatives along with her contract. Get me re-write! Critics won't get a review copy, but to hell with them. They'd pan it anyway..."]

- "...for any media..." [with the exception of a few dozen news staffs at CW stations around the country, so they can put together their 10 p.m. news packages...]

- "we're not hiding anything..." [Actually, we're hiding everything. The entire network is riding on this show; you think we're gonna get sunk by a few graybeards who never even watched the original Fox series and wouldn't know Donna Martin from Donna Karan...? Don't think so.]

- "riding the curiosity and anticipation into premiere night..." [And disappointing the guy from Newsday, who awakens each morning with the hope that on his doorstep is the greatest re-make since the cathode ray tube was invented.... Thanks, CW.]