The TV Zone

Old news for fans of Ryan Seacrest's ayem national radio show, but everyone else will be appalled, or delighted, to learn that Ry was attacked by a shark over the weekend. (Details provided by Us Mag, and linked by the indomitable TVtattle.com.) This is serious: Ry was in the water when he felt a sharp pain, or some such sensation, when he turned to watch the jaws of DEATH clamping on his right shoulder. He instantly recognized Simon Cowell...

Ba-dum...

No seriously, it was a shark. Ry said it was. How big? Hold out your hand. Now stretch the fingers. That's right...that big. Poor Ry. What's a guy to do? Announce it on your national radio show. Here are some outtakes, with elaboration by moi:

"I thought it was a stick," he said.

[Maybe it was a stick?]

"I wasn't sure what had happened."

[Then why announce to the world that you were mauled by a Great White?]

"I saw it swim! He took a bite, and he left." Ry then found the tooth embedded in his leg: It "wasn't a great thing to find. It was like finding a splinter!"

[Again, maybe it was a splinter. Ry, DO you know the difference between a piece of wood and a man-eating scavenger...Oh, wait -- I forgot. You DO work for Simon.]

He was "in pain."

[I'm in pain, too, just reading this. But I don't think I've been attacked by a shark in the past few minutes.]

Though mauled and in shock, Ry still found that ol' reliable sense of Seacrestian humor:

"There were like 1,000 people in the ocean, and I get bit by the shark!"

[Let's put it this way, Ry. You're a shark - assuming this wasn't just a block of wood -- and you have the choice between snacking on a guy who once used to say "SEACREST OUT" or snacking on someone who's the office manager for a personnel agency in Redondo Beach? I think I know who YOU'D attack, too.]

(Pix, Courtesy The Discovery Channel...)