The TV Zone

I'm here! In Beverly Hills, California (movie stars...cement ponds...)

Damn, I MADE it. The press tour. The one that everyone keeps predicting will end after this week - you know, because newspapers keep firing TV critics. A pox on the naysayers - it'll be here as long as there is bad TV and enough people like me around to WRITE about it.

Anyway, I'm a week late because I had to hitchhike out here. I told Sam Zell I wanted to go to the press tour this year, and he wanted to know what a "press tour" was. I told him it's where critics go to write about bad TV. Critics? He mused. "I thought I fired all you s---birds." Then, he told me to go frak myself. It was at that point I decided it wasn't a good idea to ask for airfare, and so I stuck out my thumb.

Actually, I made up all of the preceding. Sam Zell doesn't even know I exist, and I intend to keep it that way. Let's just say I'm late to the party because that's the kind of guy I am. But enough about me and Sam. Today is Fox, and I'm gonna give you all - my faithful half dozen readers - a preview. I'll put on my Karnac the Mag hat, and predict the one or two questions I plan to ask at each sesh. Here goes:

"Prison Break," 8:30:

Question: "Now wait one second there, Mister Matt Olmstead. You beheaded Sara Tancredi (above) and now you're going to re-attach her head next season? How is that possible, surgically speaking? Will she ever lose her head again?"

"So You Think You Can Dance," 9:15

Question: "Mister Lythgoe, where do you get your teeth whitener, and do you also think Simon Cowell is the world's most obnoxious celebrity? And I have a followup..."

"Executive Session," 10:

Question: "Mister Reilly, could you please say something actionable about Ben Silverman?"

"Fringe," 10:45:

Question: "Mister Abrams - do you mind if I call you JJ? - is the Cloverfield monster still alive? And if so, which city do you plan to demolish in the sequel? I hear Boston has a lot of monuments?"

"Fox News," panel with Chris Wallace, Howard Wolfson, Karl Rove

Question: "Honestly, I can't think of anything to ask..."

"Do Not Disturb" 2:45

Question: "How does it feel to be the only new Fox show of the entire year?"

"Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles," 3:30

Question: "Over here...down in front...to your left...no a little more over...to your right. Yes. That's me. Sorry. Forgot what I was gonna ask."

"24: Exile," 4:15

Question: "Kiefer...do you mind if I call you Kiefer? Down here. To your left. No a little more to your right. No, that's Mike Hughes. I'm five TV critics over. Could you please address reports that you and Julia are back together again?"

[Damn. I LOVE press tour.]

(Above: Sara's back! And so is her head! Photo courtesy, my friends at Fox...)