The TV Zone

The most bitterly divisive primary campaign in the television age - or at least, my memory - ended last night (hallelujah and praise be) but not mere political fortunes were determined but TV news careers, too. No one in TV news emerged unaffected, or unscathed, by the Hill-Obama bout; 'twas a whack time in TV news, where up became down, and left became right, or vice versa. Here's my handy, off-the-top-of-my-head wrap of what happened to who/what/when these last six months:

Wolf Blitzer: Stood on his feet a total of 5,432 hours (rough estimate)

John King, CNN's doughty political reporter: Got engaged, AND got a new toy ("look ma! you touch the screen and something happens!"); declares it almost as good as "Guitar Hero."

Larry King: Gets new contract.

CNN: Gives Larry King new contract while launching search for his replacement (while denying it is doing latter).

Campbell Brown: Joins CNN, hit with rumors that Katie Couric is going to take over 8 p.m; LK is subjected to KC rumors, too. (Anderson Cooper? So far exempt from said rumors; stood a few thousand hours too.)

Brit Hume: Does not stand (but sits a total of 5,432 hours).

Bill O'Reilly: Becomes a Friend of Hillary (FOH), and so does Fox News.

Chris Matthews: Becomes an Enemy of Hillary (EOH), and so does MSNBC.

Karl Rove: Former media-denounced Bush Darth Vader is embraced, lionized by media (head still shiny.)

Keith Olbermann: Nightly Bush rant, bangs tables during live telecasts, is called crazy by Rupert Murdoch, who once paid him millions to sit on bench for Fox Sports.

Ann Curry: Bungee jumps.

Katie Couric: Loses more ratings.

Matt Lauer: Loses more hair.

Sue Simmons: Screams at Chuck, "what the *&^%$# are you doing?" Gets promotion.

Barbara Walters: Confesses to hot pillow affair with married senator; gets number one best-seller.

Charlie Gibson: During debate, asks Hill and Obama about favorite brand of cereal, if they like new edition of "Grand Theft Auto," whether either has ever used Botox; reviews are unkind.

Tim Russert: Wonders why CNN has given John King a half-million-dollar touch screen, and NBC will only spend twenty-five bucks on chalkboard for HIM.

Bob Schieffer: Gets new contract, deja vu all over again rumors that he'll replace Katie.


"Nightly News," "World News:" They tie; "Evening News" ties with "Noticiero Telemundo."