The winner! (Um, already?)
Oh, I'm on to your game, "Dancing with Stars." Oh, yes I am.
Can't fool Uncle Verne. It's so obvious, so ridiculously obvious, that no one will be fooled.
The women are pretty good to excellent, overall. The guys are horrific to good, overall. Do we smell a trend here?
We do. Why have they stacked the odds in favor of the women? Because - of course - women don't vote for women contestants, and "DWTS" is simply attempting to tilt the balance so dramatically in their favor this season that there will be - that there CAN be - no doubt whatsoever that a woman should win "DWTS." A woman MUST win this season; it's the only way the franchise will keep a shred of credibility, otherwise the word will be out, more or less officially, that only guys can win this show, because women viewers are voting for them.
Guys? Honestly - I think I'm the only one on the planet who actually watches "DWTS."
Kristi Yamaguchi was so accomplished last night that she's already secured a final four position - unless the ghost of Sabs Bryan returns to prove once again that (only) the good die young on "DWTS." (And knowing "DWTS," she will...)
Let's break 'em down:
Shannon Elizabeth/Derek Hough: Sets the tone for the whole evening, with a surprisingly good open round; Hough's great so that shouldn't be a surprise, but Eliz? Who'da figured. All legs and torso. Her Achilles heel: women voters, who will likely discover she was in Maxim or some such mag. That won't help. No, it won't.
Monica Seles/Jonathan Roberts: Youth and athleticism. Those were the things I thought she had in her favor. But last night's performance was so somnolent that I nodded off then fell into a deep dreamless sleep. But...that said, she was still competent.
Marissa Jaret Winokur/Tony Dovolani: Tracy Turnblad brings it on home. Man, I just knew the actress in Marissa would trump whatever other deficiencies she might bring to this thing, but you know what? There's raw potential here, and with that big 'ol smile and show biz savvy, I see her as a contender for weeks to come.
Priscilla Presley/Louis Van Amstel: Again, a shocker! What I like about Priscilla is that deep - almost ridiculously deep - sense of purpose. She's so so serious. But that paid off because she took a relatively complicated routine and worked it out nicely. Again, I see HER around for a while, too. And there was also a very telling comment by Sam Harris: "You need to vote guys..." That's right. They need to, but will they?
Kristi Yamaguchi/Mark Ballas: You already know what I think. She's so absurdly good that this whole comp is suddenly over. Good thing ABC needs to stretch this out through the May sweeps... She was actually fun to watch, and "fun" doesn't usually come into the equation in the first round.
Marlee Matlin/Fabian Sanchez: And so it went - a female contestant who was solid on her feet again, and "solid" in a good way. She's someone else who's on this show for a while.
Big Hair is good. Very good.