Oh, dear. If only Kenny Mayne in sparkly eye shadow were half as amusing as the sad little sportscaster thinks he is. If only "Dance War" were one-tenth as enjoyable as those screaming-Meemies in the audience pretend it is. If only network television weren't circling the drain in the commode at this very moment.
But I digress.
Just minutes ago, ABC announced the cast of this spring's "Dancing With the Stars" during Monday night's two-hour finale of "Dance War." (Please, please, make it go away now. Forever. "Solid Gold" reruns would be better.)
The newbies hitting the "DWTS" floor as of March 17:
Deaf actress Marlee Matlin ("The West Wing," photo at right) – How much do we love this choice? Martin Sheen next!
Elvis ex Priscilla Presley (late of "Dallas") – Take THAT, Heather Mills! (Or should we be saying that about Marlee? Never mind.)
Penn Jillette, crabby magician/debunker – I know who I'm cheering for right now. Tom Bergeron, watch your back.
Adam Carolla, ex-"The Man Show"/radio big-mouth – I am so, so sorry, Julianne Hough.
Kristi Yamaguchi, Olympic skating star – And what happens if hubby Bret Hedican's Carolina Hurricanes make the NHL playoffs just as "DWTS" hits its climax? What then?!
NFL hottie Jason Taylor – The Miami Dolphins defensive end has great abs. (Evidence in photo at right.) I think "DWTS" drooler Lisa Rinna mentioned this six or 12 times in announcing his casting. Imagine the costume possibilities. (Take THAT, Kenny Mayne!)
Tennis (ex-)star Monica Seles – Well, she did play herself on that episode of "The Nanny."
Marissa Jaret Winokur, Broadway's "Hairspray" – She survived costarring opposite Pamela Anderson on "Stacked." Anything is possible.
Steve Guttenberg, "Three Men and a Baby" – Once he's back on the radar, beware "Police Academy 17." Or "Meet the Santas 7."
R&B singer Mario – Let America love him.
Shannon Elizabeth – Bye, bye, Miss American Pie.
Christian De La Fuente – Chilean-born telenovela heartthrob. Who?
Comments (5)
I love the line-up, it should be very interesting.
When will you post who the professionals will be partnered with?
Why sorry for Julianne? If she is partnered with Adam I think as long as he takes it seriously they could go far! Adam is a riot!
You know they always pick 2 or 3 who you know will not be there at the end. I have picked my losers.
i like some of the new cast. kristi will be the winner!
Most of the cast I have never heard of...Maybe before my time. And what is Mario thinking! This will only hurt his music career!