So it all comes down to this utterly ridiculously and improbable line: Marie Osmond is in the finals of "Dancing with the Stars."
My sources on the show tell me...who am I kidding? I have no sources on "Dancing with the Stars." Sourcing is immaterial. This whole show, at least this whole fifth edition, is so utterly counterintuitive that any opinion is pretty much valid (or irrelevant). Me? I discuss the show with Myself. Here's the conversation Me and Myself held this morning.
ME: Man, that Marie Osmond sure performed one of the strangest freestyle dances in the history of freestyle dancing last night.
MYSELF: Yes, pal! That's the genius of Marie Osmond. She's so bad she's good.
ME: What the hell are you talking about?
MYSELF: Let me explain, then. That part where Jonathan dumped her at the end like a sack of leaden potatoes, and where she almost trips over his leg and ends up on her head? Brilliant. You see, it just reinforced the rag doll motif. Oh, that Marie, she knows what she's doing. 
ME: You have lost it. I guess watching this show week after week, and wondering how Marie Osmond is in the finals while Sabrina Bryan got slammed out weeks ago can do that to someone. You have my pity.
MYSELF: Whatever - I get the last word AND the last laugh because millions of people have already voted for her and she'll win this whole thing tonight. Why? Because the people who watch this show apparently love her, and because she's an American - the other two obviously ain't - and because they can relate to her. It's all about popularity, and maybe misguided nationalism (as nationalism can often be). Not talent.
And so it goes. Here's my wrap:
Scary: If there was justice in the topsy-turvy land of "DWTS," Mel B. would be the winner, hands-down - no ifs, no ands, no buts. But there is no justice, and frankly, last night was only OK. On the entertainment front, the first dance was kinda boring - proficient but boring. Then, the freestyle: The lifts, like that half-pivot-over-the-head-half-nelson-thingamajigee, were pretty amazing. But Len had it right - it didn't really flow.
Marie: Ya know, I actually liked her samba.Thought it was reasonably OK (for Marie), but best of all, actually a pretty lively and entertaining version. After that drab text-book performance by Scary, it even looked better. So Marie lucks out here. Then the rag doll: The judges despised it with a justifiable fury, and Bruno had his best line of the whole season ("it's Baby Jane and Bride of Chucky.."). But again, it was entertaining - bizarrely entertaining. I can see her fans out there rationalizing their vote for her on the basis of that alone. (Her fans have had to do a lot of rationalizing this season already, so why not a little more rationalizing?) 
Meanwhile, I'm still sticking by this fearless prediction: Marie Osmond is the next winner of "DWTS."
Helio: Finally, Helio. My favorite male dancer of the season. Great to see you still here, Mario. That smile. That pizazz. The competitive streak a mile and a quarter wide. The guy's terrific. But he's not going to win tonight. First of all, his jive was pretty bad - even Me and Myself could tell his footwork was way off. And while the judges loved his freestyle, my mind kinda wandered during the routine.
I was thinking of Bette Davis, and grinning homicidal blood-spattered dolls, and "Bride of Chucky," which starred - per my faulty recollection - Katherine Heigl, who sure doesn't brag about that role these days, and...
Comments (21)
Well said, Marie's free style looked nutty! Brunos remarks were
the best BABY JANE! Marie is out there!
I disagree with all of that - yes marie has the fan back up. But if it was not for Max last night mel would not have gotten that good a score...My vote is for helio all the way
We don't know how Marie lasted this long!! Her many relatvies must have voted several times! She didn't spend Thanksgiving with her children and yet she is going on a Christmas tour! No wonder she has a son in re-hab! Stay home & raise those
children!
I too would LOVE to see Mel B win this thing, as she is the BEST technical dancer and has been the most consistent over the whole season. If Marie wins this, it is only because she has a huge family base voting for her, and probably the whole state of Utah, as I think she is getting a lot of sympathy votes as well. I am hoping beyond hope for it to be Mel B or even Helio (who has done tremendously well too) but, PLEASE NOT MARIE.
Marie Osmond is adorable and truly a good sport - she's a natural but not when it comes to dancing. I'll give it to her though, she has made it to the finals and is gutsy. Mel B is incredible but she came with a natural dancing talent. Now Helio this guy really stepped it up with no experience - I think that should account for something and therefore he deserves to win.
God Bless them all!
If ? Marie wins it will be personality and fans of yore t not on ability to DANCE! After all if we wanted a popularity show lets get one. We have a Dance show and that's what it should be based on. It should not be based on Religion, nationality, or job. I also feel that any of the contestants should not have dance backgrounds like Marie, Mel and others.
If Marie is happy "IF" she wins I hope she realizes thats is popularity not Talent on this show.
Marie Osmond is awful. She cannot dance at all. It's a shame that she is receiving all these votes from fans who enjoy watching her cabaret show, This is a dance contest. Not a populartiy contest. She should have been off the show last week.
If these types of shows want to remain on the air and be successful then the public must vote for good talent.
If this program will continue for another seaonn I probably will not view it.
Bertie Trager
Marie should not win. She cannot dance. The doll number was terrible and mocked dancing. The show is a professional and talented show. In fact, Marie is annoying. She uses her age as a sympathy tool. She thinks she is slick. And her smile is also annoying. WHAT HAPPENED TO TALENT IN DANCING.
Marie should not win. She cannot dance. The doll number was terrible and mocked dancing. The show is a professional and talented show. In fact, Marie is annoying. She uses her age as a sympathy tool. She thinks she is slick. And her smile is also annoying. WHAT HAPPENED TO TALENT IN DANCING.
Oh my God what has happened here. Marie should have never been in the finals first of. It should have been Jenny. The only freestyle dance that deserved the points they got was Elio and Julianne. If Marie wins this season I'm never watching the show again. She stunck last night in both dances.
Mel had an advantage. Due to her musicial talent. I do not like her and Mak. It is all personal preference.
I agree with the Nationalism. There is a British Version "Strictly Come Dancing" which Mel B should really have been on.
I see a lot of throwing, sliding, swinging, and tossing, but very little dancing.
Helio is fine as a dancer, but ....................
Marie is definitely NOT the best dancer, but she is an American. I think its time that each nation's dancers be on their own nation's shows.
Rah Rah America - GO MARIE!!!!!
I thought her Rag Doll dance was adorable!
stupid comments all the way
If everyone was so perfect there would be nothing to talk about!!!
If we all were just a little bit as good as Marie was! Alot of us wish we could dance just half as good as she did........
If Marie wins, you might as well cancel all the future 'Dancing With The Stars' series. I've watched with so much interest, but the further it goes, the more I feel that this is all bull. Why would a person want to win that way? Fair and square, she wouldn't win-so she will get a mirrored ball that means NOTHING! She danced fairly well, but she was a long way from being best. Its like winning a race and taking a bunch of short cuts! I use to think so highly of the Osmonds, but my opinion of them has gone down.
Hello
I was an Osmond fan during my teen years and I still have a lot of respect for all the Osmonds but frankly I do not think that Marie deserves to win. Although she is a very nice person and a good singer I don't think she deserves to win this competition.
I think if she does win this competition I may never watch the show again.
Hello
I was an Osmond fan during my teen years and I still have a lot of respect for all the Osmonds but frankly I do not think that Marie deserves to win. Although she is a very nice person and a good singer I don't think she deserves to win this competition.
I think if she does win this competition I may never watch the show again.
Me personally; I've seen Marie make plenty of mistakes. So, if she does win; it's not @ talent it's @ popularity. What's so popular @ her anyways? I still haven't figured it out!!!!!!!!!
I was embarrassed for Marie in her free-style. I can't believe her partner did not stop her from doing such a horrible routine. I don't care if she is the biggest doll designer, it was a terrible routine. I saw that same routine in my high school talent show (I graduated in 1954).
She didn't deserve to win it all, but it would have been nice to see her finish more respectfully.
I think it's sour grapes from younger people who didn't want Marie to win. Personally, I thought the free style dancing done by "The Spice Girl" was vulgar - should have been on an X-rated video! And why not give Marie some credit for doing as well as she did, against the younger set? Middle aged people like to have fun, too - just because we're over 40 doesn't mean we have to sit in rocking chairs knitting caps and gloves!!
I would love to see everyone respect the time and effort put into every show, rather than critize the judges and dancers. If you can't say something nice don't say anything at all -- a wonderful
saying that could change the world if more people would follow this saying---