The TV Zone

Who is this man? The next host of "The Price is Right?" Read on... (Courtesy, Modesto Bee)

Because Drew Carey is Suddenly the Most Important Guy on Television (SMIGOT? Hmmmm) it’s critical that we all start to learn a little more about him. That's not gonna be easy. There's so much to learn, and so little time. Where to begin? There's really nothing Carey hasn't done or said, so…

Tonight he hosts newcomer "Power of 10" on CBS, and for a quick clip, here's a reasonably okay place to go. This show could be big and I'm reasonably confident it will be for a few reasons. First, there's nothing else on. Second, people who've never heard of this guy (there are some out there) might want to check him out. Third, producer Michael Davies knows better than anyone how to make a dead-of-summer-when-nothing-else-is-on hit ("Who Wants to be a Millionaire").

The premise isn't dreadful either: It sort of tests contestants "social intelligence" on a wide range of questions both trivial and less trivial (What's the percentage of Americans who match their underwear with their outfit? The percentage who think they're smarter than Prez Bush?) Questions are based on a show-conducted poll and (like "Deal or no Deal" et al) is one of those escalating games where contestants win all-or-nothing with each question.

Winners walk away with $10 million. (Another savvy Davies' idea because $10 million winners will be non-existent, even though show will pretend someone could actually win. Right!)

Enough about the show (8 p.m., CBS). On to SMIGOT. In the spirit of the game, here are ten multiple-choice questions. It's easy! You could win a Porsche! Give it a try! Answers at bottom of this overlong blog entry! (*Source: "Dirty Jokes and Beer: Stories of the Unrefined." )

1.) Carey's second favorite city in the world, after Cleveland, is:

a.) Las Vegas
b.) Paris
c.) Miami

2.) This is because:

a.) It is close to Cuba.
b.) There's a particular Rembrandt at a particular museum that he just can't get enough of.
c.) There are many women there of easy reputation with whom to consort, and quite a bit of alcohol to ingest.

3.) Drew Carey has never ever uttered the following word:

a.) &%$&! (the word denoting the sexual act, which is not typically used on TV or even in newspapers.)
b.) Onomatopoeia
c.) Semantics

4.) Drew's character in "The Drew Carey Show" was called what during the first episode of the '96 season, sparking quite a fun little debate inside ABC:

a.) Butt head.
b.) Butt face.
c.) Butt weasel.

5.) When Ellen DeGeneres came out of the closet, Drew:

a.) Called her up to congratulate her.
b.) Watched a lesbian porno film.
c.) Insisted he'd never watch another episode of "Ellen" again.

6.) Drew likes television critics because:

a.) They liked "The Drew Carey Show."
b.) They're intelligence and hard-working.
c.) They drink heavily and will grab any free canapé on a tray that passes by them.

7.) Every chapter in his autobiography begins with:

a.) A passage from the Bible.
b.) Quotations from Thoreau.
c.) Very dirty jokes.

8.) Drew Carey is a:

a.) Maoist.
b.) Libertarian.
c.) Hillary Clinton Democrat.

9.) Drew is a former:

a.) Navy captain
b.) Marine
c.) WAC

10.) Drew is a season ticket holder to:

a.) The Los Angeles Galaxy
b.) The Los Angeles Dodgers
c.) The Long Island Rough Riders

Answers: 1.)a. 2.)c. 3.)b. 4.)c. 5.) b. 6.) c. 7.) c. 8.) b. 9.) b. 10.) a.