The TV Zone

What the heck is going on on “24”? Not only do I not know, I’m not sure I want to know.

The Fox thriller always goes through a middle-eight malaise. The producers are clear how they want to start each season, with a bang, which they usually do. And eventually, they figure out where they want to end up. But the middle outings tend to be middling, as old plots get wound up, new ones get fired up, and time gets killed off till the season-ending episodes kick in.

Which can’t come soon enough. Let me count the ways last night left me not impressed.

Milo and Nadia? Who gives a flip about their lovebird-pouting baby behavior in the midst of nukes-on-the-loose? (Why do producers keep hiring Eric Balfour?)

Could we not smell the Jack/Doyle fake-rubout-by-fake-terrorists coming a mile away? (Speaking of lovebird spats. Wasn’t the boys’ bickering cute?)

And how did that fancy scheme get set up anyway? Jack’s just half a day past his two-year Chinese captivity, only hours beyond being so strung out he wanted out of the game for good. Now suddenly he knows undercover “terrorist” Jamal, he’s up on every other agent, and he’s clear on all the conniptions of the fake-rubout’s Fayed-snatch plot, even though Jack’s been so busy derring-doing that he couldn’t possibly have sat down and mapped it all out.

For that matter, when did almost-dead prez Wayne Palmer have the time, much less the coherence, to design the dummy-nukes gambit with the Joint Chiefs to bluff the leaders of mysteriously unnamed “Fayed’s country”?

Not that I’d be wondering about any of this if “24” was actually doing its job and keeping me entertained enough to suspend disbelief.

I just feel like we’ve been here before. Round and round we go. While it was mildly surprising to see the nukes back in custody so quick, it was oh-please-don’t-do-that predictable to have another immediate phone call for Jack -- remember last season’s cliffhanger when he got snatched -- which revealed suddenly-not-dead Audrey begging to be rescued from the nasty ol’ Chinese.

Nuke recovery, I can get behind. Saving drippy ol’ Audrey? Don’t be so sappy.

After January’s socko season start, this whole year has been oddly limp. D.B. Woodside’s Wayne Palmer is a wet noodle as president compared to Dennis Haysbert’s majestic David Palmer. Or even Gregory Itzin’s turncoat prez. We were reminded of that when Itzin surprisingly reappeared for an episode or two as the disgraced chief, along with Jean Smart as the nutso ex-first lady, both doing galvanizing work -- and then they were gone, much too abruptly. (I miss Secret Service sweetie Aaron, too.)

Powers Boothe is indeed menacing as the undercutting veep. But he’s more sleazy than commanding. Peter McNicol may have made a fine wimpy lawyer on “Ally McBeal,” but I don’t want a wimpy chief of staff next to the leader of the free world. And Rick(y) Schroder as Jack’s new CTU running buddy? Yawwwwn. There’s mush all around Kiefer Sutherland this season.

Why isn’t impressively itchy Chloe doing something central? I’d also be happy to see her dry ex Morris back at the forefront again, even if he’s back barfing his booze by the dumpster. Mary Lynn Rajskub and Carlo Rota are interesting, dynamic actors, who always suggest more than the script demands.

OK, you want some good news. Here it is: Last night was 2007’s Episode 17. This season’s middling middle must finally be over.

I hope.

[Fox photos: Eric Balfour and Marisol Nichols; Kiefer Sutherland and cell phone]