Pet Rock: The Pop Culture Blog

Sneak peek time! Whet your appetite with a little video preview of L.C., Audrina and the next season of "The Hills" which premieres Aug. 18, compliments of E!

It was a fairly week season 3 finale of "The Hills" on MTV last night. Although, the house in the Beverly Hills that MTV used for the show afterparty looked fairly insane on television.

After a double viewing of the finale, Pet Rock is left with one question (OK, maybe more than one, but they're all about one topic). Does Heidi Montag not watch her own show? Doesn't she know that punting away a great career move for a questionable dude comes with bad "Hills" karma?

Of course, this all happened a few months ago and we only see 25 minutes of their lives each week, so who knows what really went on. But, in terms of the show, throwing away a shot at developing the next Vegas hot spot won't look good as a bulletpoint on the resume.

Oh, well, guess that why there's going to be a Season 4. It debuts Aug. 18.

- La Monica

According to several reports running around online, Puck, oops, I mean Spencer Pratt, and Y2K Tori Spelling, oops, I mean, Heidi Montag, taped a spot for this Tuesday's "The Tyra Banks Show" (April 30) in which they confirmed their earlier rumor-spreading that Lauren Conrad's ex-fella Jason was shopping their sex tape.

“I would never watch that,” Pratt told host Tyra Banks, who asked Pratt if he had actually seen the tape, according to BuddyTV.com. “I would rather throw up … but I know for a fact, and I would take a lie detector test.”

True or not, who really cares anymore? How/why does Spencer get airtime and normal people don't? What kind of lack of talent do we need to get some shine?

Lauren Conrad photos

Heidi Montag photos

No, this isn't a joke. Heidi Montag turns freestyle rapper on MTV's TRL. This either marks the end of the world or the beginning of a new era in life. We're not really sure.

The over-under on ribs cracked from laughing/puking at this is 2.5. I took the over . . . and my insurance carrier is furious about that.

Oh, but wait, there's more. Turns out Lil' Miss Montag is now a fashion designer. Peep the photos below from her "Heidiwood" show last Friday night in L.A.

Thoughts as they fly into my mind and onto the Internet while I watch the season premiere of "The Hills."

* French accents sound so fake, don't they? (except for the girl in "Better Off Dead.")

* Here's the advice Heidi's mom, Darlene, needs to tell her daughter: "Look, Heidi, I watch your little TV show. Spencer is a (insert preferred curse word here)-bag. Dump him and dump him fast."

* Spencer flies to Colorado, the land of snow, and brings gel as his only headgear. Smart move.

* Heidi's dad, Tim, rules! Here's his quote when Spencer rolls into their driveway: "What the heck? What are you doing here?" Awesome!

* Throw him out, Heidi! Throw him out!

* Whitney gets better looking by the episode. I'm just saying.

* I'm liking the in-show soundtrack info. Nice new feature this season.

* Making fun of people in other languages is never a bad thing. Nice work, LC.

* Oh, there's no way this ball gown altering is going to pan out.

* Go Heidi go! She's turning into Heather Locklear on "Melrose Place." Please keep this going, Heidi. Seriously. I promise to watch your music video til the end again.

* That's one grumpy French musician.

* CORRECTION: That's one creepy stalker French musician.

* Wearing the ball gown dress the night before the ball and it gets messed up? Gee, no one saw that coming. Not sure it gets more obvious than that. This didn't do much to help support the notion that this show isn't scripted. I bet a show producer snuck into the room and put that curling iron on the dress.

* Nice cycle, Frenchy. Did you take that from Sweetchuck's garage from the "Police Academy" series?

- Mark La Monica

Ain't no drama like boy-girl drama on "The Hills" because boy-girl drama on "The Hills" don't stop.

You know you're fired up for the new season, so don't even front like you haven't already set your DVRs and TiVos to record all the new episodes, beginning March 24 at 10 p.m. on MTV.

Below is a sample clip of the latest (at least in terms of episodes shown on TV) LC-Brody drama.

We're never afraid to admit our love for "The Hills" here in Pet Rock. Great show, great drama, hot ladies, schmucky guys. It's the new recipe for success on television.

And while we spoke of Lauren Conrad last week for making clothes, this week's news bit is about someone else taking off their clothes.

Topless photos have surfaced online of Audrina Patridge, who stars as Audrina Patridge on MTV's highest-rated show ever, just in time for the March 24 premiere of its new season.

We can't in good conscience -- translation: I wan't to keep my job -- post the photos here or link directly to them. However, we can suggest typing her name into the search box onGoogle news. Pet Rock knows at least one person who will thoroughly appreciate the search results.

It will be interesting to see how this plays out in the next season of "The Hills" (not this one coming up next week.) Will MTV whack her from the show? We hope not.

At least Audrina manned up about it, saying in a statement:

"I took these photos years ago, when I was just out of high school and beginning to model. I was young and very trusting of others, and I didn't know to protect myself. It is a lesson learned, for myself, and hopefully for the young girls who look up to me."

Why do people apologize for doing things? Why are they looked at negatively for these types of things? Pet Rock fully supports free will and people's right to do whatever they want. In today's society, people can do and say what they want, then apologize for it and everything is all good. Why apologize? Say and do what you want. Live your life.

We're huuuuuuuge fans of Lauren Conrad here at Pet Rock and we're not ashamed to admit it.

Nor are we alone in our support of LC, what with "The Hills" being the highest rated show ever on MTV. By the way, "The Hills" returns to MTV on March 24.

In the meantime, LC made her Fashion Week debut at Smashbox Studios in Los Angeles on Tuesday. Seeing how we know you love Miss Conrad as much as we do, we put together a little photo gallery for you to enjoy. Click the pic above and have some fun. (Sorry, no Heidi-Spencer pix.)

- Mark La Monica

Heidi Montag, the girl-turned-villain on MTV's "The Hills," has done the unthinkable and released a music video for her -- open finger quotes here -- new song -- close finger quotes here -- called "Higher."

The video features her in a bikini prancing around the beach. Not exactly the worst thing in the world, until you come to the realization that she's the Y2K equivalent of Tori Spelling. And yes, Donna Martin does graduate! Plus, after Madonna tantalized us with "Cherish" and Helena Christensen taught many a male about puberty with her sultry role in Chris Isaak's "Wicked Games" video, no music label should allow any artist to be on a beach in their videos. The comparisons are inevitable, and they'll always fall short.

Montag's video below lasts three minutes and 34 seconds. The contest here is to see how long you can last before hitting the stop button and then posting your time in the comments section. I made it through to the end, but only because it's my job.

- Mark La Monica

By Mark La Monica

It's true. I watch "The Hills." I'm not ashamed to admit it. I don't, however, go online to watch the aftershow. That just seems a bit over the top.

But I got suckered into watching it last night when MTV put the show on television. Even with the live interview with Lauren Conrad and her greatest smile in television history, I'm ashamed I won't get back those 30 minutes of life. (That puts my career running total at 234 days I wish I could have back.)

But at least I'm not alone in the enjoyment received from watching "The Hills." It's the top-rated show on MTV, so I guess I'm doing something right.

But this full disclosure right here will cost me plenty of street cred: I was in 7-Eleven one day, happened to see Teen Vogue and looked in the masthead for LC and Whitney's name. No such luck. I put the magazine down and prayed the security camera ran out of tape.

Alas, such is life. Click on the Lauren Conrad photo above for some photos from last night's season finale.

By Mark La Monica

With this season of "The Hills" winding down -- don't even front, you know you watch it, too -- it's time for some random thoughts about the show.

* Oh great, just what we needed, another Pratt on television acting hard.

* Seriously, I haven't seen that bad an acting job since Ben Affleck did that bathroom mirror scene in "Gigli." Nice work, whatever your name was, Spencer's sister. (It's not worth the Google, but L.C. nailed it with her caddy "She-Pratt" quip.)

* Anyone else notice the blatant show of guilt by part-mute, part-syllablic grunter Justin-Bobby at the end of the show? He put the hair in a ponytail and actually spoke. Prior to this episode, all we saw of him was long hair and mono-syllablic grunts.

Disclaimer time: We fully realize that the opinions we form about these people on "The Hills" are based solely on what we see on television. We fully realize that show producers and editors have a story to tell and that story is never the full story. Now back to the show.

* Where do these producers find these clowns, er, guys, to be on this show? I refuse to believe the girls are capable of continually finding these rampaging non-winners on their own. These brohams are an impressive collection of, well, we'll let you insert your preferred derogatory noun. Then again, maybe it's just an L.A. thing.

* We renew our opinions from last season: No way Heidi goes through with the wedding. If you come across any recent appearances by them, the guess here is that's just to not ruin the season finale.

* Slowly starting to gain some appreciation for Brody. Not really sure what he does in life, but he seems to stay above the fray.

* Lauren Conrad still has the greatest smile in television history.

* In recent episodes, they moved Whitney out of the office on assignments. Good to see her career develop, but I miss Whitney in her role of "Taxicab Confessions" driver. She basically would sit at her desk and just poke and prod L.C. with questions until she spilled. Great work if you can get it.

* OK, this episode trivia quiz is scary, disturbing, interesting, amusing, scary, disturbing, interesting and amusing.