Pet Rock: The Pop Culture Blog

On Tuesday, undocumented Pet Rocker J-Mac unveiled his Denise Richards drinking game. Sounds like fun, no doubt, for the 21-and-over crowd.

But seeing how this is Tom Cruise Week here in Pet Rock, I shall put forth the Tom Cruise drinking game for your amusement and enjoyment this holiday weekend. It's 10-step program designed to get you loaded to the tilt, so keep those car keys in someone else's house.

- Do a shot of gin every time you see Tom Cruise look like he's about to take a dump in his pants on screen.

- Pour yourself some Louis Roederer champagne if you ever hooked up with a girl named Penny Benjamin.

- Take a sip of beer every time you tell a friend to "Punch out, Mav" when his attempt to hit on a girl goes painfully awry.

- Shotgun a beer every time you play a really bad hole on a golf course and call it your "Iceman" hole because it wore you down and made you do something stupid.

- Crack open a bottle of Mad Dog 20/20 every time you see Tom Cruise talk about Scientology or jump on someone's couch.

- Do a shot of vodka every time you see Tom Cruise do his patented hard swallow of nothing on screen.

- Punish yourself with two shots of Jagermeister every time you watch the non-essential scenes of "Eyes Wide Shut."

- Tequila, tequila, tequila every time you get caught watching a post-1992 Tom Cruise movie.

- Drink a blender drink for every time you lied to a girl by saying "I liked 'Jerry Maguire.'"

- Whatever bottle you drop and break when trying to a "Cocktail" bartender, get another one and pour a round of shots for everyone in sight, including you.

Now pour yourselves some coffee because "Born on the Fourth of July" is about to start.

Just when you thought the debasement of American pop culture had reached its lowest point, along comes this little nugget from Pet Rock office neighbor Bean Dennehy.

"I don't know if you guys are interested, but TMZ just moved something about Mini-Me having a sex tape."

Uh, um, er, hell yeah we're interested!

Brace yourselves, America, you might die (or at least a little part of your soul will) once you click on this photo and go to TMZ.

Last night's BET Awards showcased some of the best performers in the industry. I must say, it was a pretty good show! (See photos)

Nelly came out and wowed the crowd with a new song; EnVogue, my favorite girl group of all time, reunited and sang with super songstress Alicia Keys; and there was a tribute to the legendary Al Green.

I almost lost my mind when Kanye West invited Lil Wayne on stage and thanked him for saving hip hop. "Congratulations on selling over a million records. And they say hip hop is dead." What gives? Kanye is a talented force to be reckoned with, but he must've forgotten to take his meds when he said that.

Of course, there were the losers ... Lil Mama lost the award for Best Female Hip-Hop Artist to Missy, and then Lil Mama had the nerve to say she should have won! Is she out of her mind too? I mean, "Lipgloss" is catchy and so are the others, but there's no way she could go up against Missy and win.

Am I wrong? Did Lil Mama get robbed at the BET awards? Watch Lil Mama explain why she should've been awarded the honor.

Photo credit: AP Photo

Standup comedian and satirist George Carlin died of heart trouble on Sunday. He was 71. He was known for his routine "Seven Words You Can Never Say On Television," which led to a key Supreme Court ruling on obscenity. George Carlin also appeared in several HBO comedy specials.

Share your favorite George Carlin moments in Newsday's guest book and view photos of George Carlin throughout his career.

Michelle Obama's recent TV appearance on ABC's gabfest "The View" apparently struck a chord with many viewers, and not just because of her friendly fist-bumps and sparkling conversation. Women want that dress!

Michelle, wife of Democratic presidential candidate Barack Obama, wore a flirty black-and-white dress that showed off her sophisticated White House style on the show. And men noticed it too. Fellow blogger and officemate Adam Abramson said Michelle was "looking radiant as ever!"

Michelle Obama photos

So, where can you snag that dress? The black-and-white leaf print dress is available at a store fittingly called White House/Black Market and costs $148. They operate 322 boutiques and 19 outlets nationwide, but don't even dare try walking into a store to get one.

The dress has been flying off the racks ever since Michelle's TV appearance. Your best bet is to try buying it online (check eBay too) while supplies last: www.whitehouseblackmarket.com or Click here to get the dress!

Designer Donna Ricco, who has a showroom at 530 Seventh Avenue in Manhattan, originally created the dress and is selling it on her Web site for only $99, but it's currently sold out. She's working like crazy to get 3,000 more of the "Obama dresses" made by September, according to reports.

Flavor Flav met the Big Swede on "The Surreal Life," spun it into his own multiple-season reality show and then his own sitcom.

Peter Brady, oops, Christopher Knight, met his wife on "The Surreal Life" and turned that into another two shows. The wife, Adrienne Curry, turned it into a show and two spreads in Playboy.

Wee Man (pictured in NBC photo) kicked himself in the head repeatedly and let Johnny Knoxville and Steve-O have their way with him and now he's walking tightropes on "Celebrity Circus" on NBC.

Yes, indeed, it pays to be a celebrity these days, be that a marginal or major famous face. Not that it never paid off in the past. But ever since reality and celebreality became everyday television programming, B-listers and below are scoring some pretty cool experiences.

It used to be that us journalists had the best perks in town at family and friend gatherings, from standing on the field at Yankee Stadium to being on the red carpet for movie premieres to being backstage at Fashion Week. Now we can all get access to the hip and hot via people who have a few seconds left on their 15 minutes of fame.

And good for us and them. Take a look at some of the things celebs get to do now so long as there's a camera nearby and the chance to be eliminated or to eliminate someone from something:

• Live in a house with a bunch of other former famous people and act as if you're in college again.
• Free access to "date" a dozen or so hot-bodied chicks in the quest for "love."
• Milk cows
• Jump through hoops (literally)
• Lose weight without paying for physical trainer
• Be able to write off the cost of rehab on next year's tax return
• Capitalize on people's endless need to stare at the train wreck your life has become by getting paid to document your career's jump-start.

Just to name a few. Next time you see a promo for a new celebreality show, don't just moan and groan at its inception. Just accept it for now -- you can still moan and groan, though -- and realize we get to live in an age when after-thought celebs will do anything for our amusement and their bank accounts.

Seriously, someone please dust off the mom from "Silver Spoons." Any idea what the twins from "Double Trouble" are up to? Or Nicole Eggert? I smell a new reality series here. Maybe something about when mothers become mother-in-laws. Oh, this could be big.

- La Monica

I’ll admit it. I’m watching “It’s Complicated” with Denise Richards. Why? I have no idea. Aside from Richards being the girl who kissed Neve Campbell in ‘Wild Things,’ I couldn’t tell you anything about her … at least about her career.

I knew she was married to Charlie Sheen and that there was some drama between her, Heather Locklear and Richie Sambora, but none of that explains why I’m watching.
I usually blame these events on my wife. She does control the remote, but I am oddly drawn to this show. I think it is because I can’t tell if she is crazy, or normal. Let’s look at the evidence.

In the crazy corner we have these facts:

Jessica Alba has gone from hottie to hot mama. The actress and her husband Cash Warren welcomed a baby girl named Honor Marie on June 7, according to her rep, Brad Cafarelli, to People magazine. This is the couple's first child.

The duo became engaged in late December after an announcement that she was expecting a baby with Warren. They were married at a Beverly Hills courthouse on May 19.

Alba played a diver in "Into the Blue" and a superhero in "Fantastic Four," but what can we expect in her new role as a mom? "I don't want to be my child's best friend. I want to be a mom," she said. "But I do want my child to come to me when they have problems and need to talk, so it's going to be about treading that line," she told Fit Pregnancy magazine.

Alba's latest movie "The Love Guru" will be in theaters on June 20. Watch the trailer.

I see London, I see France ...

It looks like Lindsay Lohan is taking her love of Marilyn Monroe to a new level. At the MTV Movie Awards, the singer/actress experienced a wardrobe malfunction when a gust of wind shot up her teeny purple skirt and gave everyone a peek at her undies, which are the very expensive Spanx brand. For those of you that don't know, Spanx are used for sucking in flabby butts and gutts and are beloved by celebrities, such as Oprah, Jessica Alba, and others.

Click here to read more Lindsay Lohan coverage on Pet Rock blog.

Lindsay Lohan photos

"Sex and the City" finally opens in theaters tomorrow after much hoopla and media attention. Whew! As much as I love the fab four, I've been updating our SATC online guide constantly and now I'm relieved to be free to focus on something else. For instance, a site dedicated to showcasing Sarah Jessica Parker's horse-like features!!

"Sadly, since the HBO series came to an end, Sarah has not aged well. In fact, recently Sarah Jessica Parker was voted 'The Unsexiest Woman Alive' by Maxim magazine. And we agree. Dare we say, her horse-face appearance is so unappealing it now totally cancels out any redeeming 'hotness' she once had. Pity," whinnied "Wilber" the site's Stable Master.

It's so wrong, but ridiculously funny! So, what do you think? Does Sarah Jessica Parker look like a horse? See for yourself: sarahjessicaparkerlookslikeahorse.com

And while you're in the mood, stop by Newsday's Guide to "Sex and the City: The Movie" for the movie trailer, sneak peeks, photos, and an interactive map of hotspots made famous by the show.

Photo credit: SJPLLAH

Depending on who you are, a juicy tidbit about "American Idol" alum Clay Aiken fathering a child will either break your heart (sorry Claymates) or incite roaring laughter. It is believed he donated his little swimmers to a producer friend in her late 40s. Ugh! Read all about it here.

Say it ain't so! George Clooney, 47, and longtime girlfriend Sarah Larson, 29, are calling it quits after dating for one year, according to People magazine. I'm stunned at the news because it seemed he found a beautiful, down-to-earth woman. He trotted her out at the Oscars, and Larson appeared to be the one! Oh well, I guess 'ole George just isn't the marrying kind.

In not-so shocking news, Ashlee Simpson-Wentz and Pete Wentz have confirmed the pregnancy we already knew about. The musical duo shared their baby news on friendsorenemies.com, "While many have speculated about this, we wanted to wait until after the first trimester to officially confirm that we are expecting our first child." Congrats kiddos!

Here's your chance to see Usher live!

Tickets recently went on sale for R&B star Usher's one-night-only concert at the Apollo Theater in Harlem scheduled for June 6. If you can't afford to buy tickets, he'll be performing live at Bryant Park on Good Morning America's Summer Concert Series this Friday to promote his new album "Here I Stand." GMA's outdoor concert is free and open to the public, but you can also watch it on ABC / 7 Friday morning.

According to Newsday's Glenn Gamboa, Usher is "apparently trying to reconcile his R&B playa-with-a-heart past with his married-and-grown present and it's not totally working out." I happen to disagree, but I'll let you get the CD and decide for yourself!

Last year, the sexy singer/actor married celebrity stylist Tameka (Foster) Raymond, 38, and the two are now the parents of a 6-month-old son, also named Usher. His romance with Tameka, who is eight years older, prompted criticsm from celebrity bloggers and fans based on rumors that their relationship was causing a rift between Usher and his mom/former manager. Tameka also was accused of being pregnant with her ex-husband's child, which turned out to be false. There was so much speculation, Tameka had to address the rumors in an interview with Essence magazine.

Despite all the chatter, Usher refuses to let it get in the way of what really matters to him. "Anytime somebody says something negative, I pull my family [together] and know we're strong together," he said. "I never let that affect me ... I just continue to do positive things," he said in an interview with GMA.

Check out Usher joking about his love of older women in this skit on Saturday Night Live ...

AP Photo

OK, we've all heard that Lindsay Lohan was spotted kissing her gal pal Samantha Ronson, a celebrity DJ, in Cannes. What's a little peck between friends right?

Well, the bosom buddies might be closer than just friends. Rumors are swirling that Lohan is actually engaged to Ronson! Check out the alleged engagement ring Lohan was sporting at the Dolce & Gabanna party at Baoli, Port Canto during the 61st International Cannes Film Festival.

Estranged father Michael Lohan is quoted in Us Weekly as saying the Lohan-Ronson relationship "is evident to anyone with half a brain." He also says Lindsay "is a big girl, and she can make her own life choices. Then it is between her and God."

True romance or false? You be the judge.

I don't know a lick of French, but when I saw this clip from a French TV show I had to share it. Brad Pitt and a very pregnant Angelina Jolie are in Cannes promoting "Kung Fu Panda" and the paparazzi got very (ahem) up close and personal with the lovey-dovey duo.

OK, it's time for where in the world is Brad's hand ... watch this clip very closely ... there's some major ass-grabbing going on. Talk about language of love! Ooh-la-lah! I think Brad is a rump man. What do you think?

Long Island native Flavor Flav has come home to roost and he's brought People magazine to chill with him at his mom's house...check it out on the Real LI blog.

By now, you know that the movie "Sex and the City" will be in theaters May 30. Are you a Samantha, Carrie, Charlotte or Miranda?

Lingerie maker Insinuate doesn't care which one you choose to look like as long as you rock one of their sleazy thongs and animal print bras. Check out their own version of SATC's fab four (above) posing for the camera on the streets of London. They are absolutely the worst look-a-likes ever!

Americans are much better at celebrity impersonations, just go to Vegas and you'll see Elvis, Cher, the Rat Pack, and they do it with claaaass, baby. Even our celebrites look like other celebrities!

Think you can do a better job? Long Island radio station WBLI is offering local SATC look-a-likes a chance to win entrance to an advanced screening of "Sex and the City: The Movie" on May 28 in NYC. Just send in your photo to jilinthemorning@yahoo.com by Friday, May 23rd. Winners also will receive a $100 gift card from Bloomingdale's, a pair of shoes courtesy of the Hampton Shoe Vixen and a makeup makeover from M.A.C. Get more information or official rules from WBLI online: www.wbli.com

For more look-a-like antics, check out this clip from the Maury Povich show ...

Photo credit: Getty Images

By Mark La Monica

On May 14, 1998, America lost two great icons of pop culture: "Seinfeld" and Frank Sinatra.

For me, the bigger loss was Sinatra.

Sure, "Seinfeld" was a classic American sitcom that will live forever in syndication and DVD box sets, but Sinatra was so cool, you had to call him "cat." That, my friends, is true transformation.

There's a reason they play Sinatra's version of "New York, New York" at Yankee Stadium when the Yankees win and Liza Minelli's version when they lose.

From Hoboken to Hollywood, Sinatra redefined cool. Actually, you could argue that he actually defined it since no one before him did what he could do. Bogart was legendary, but he didn't have the pizzazz to transcend generations upon generations.

Sinatra, or simply just "Frank," was the original king of cool, a man capable of capturing the fluttering hearts of women or appealing to the style of the everyman of any generation. Name another person, regardless of era, who could -- and did! -- get away with referring to women as "dames" or "broads" and be loved for it. In more than one book, you'll find a chapter titled "Broads." I'm just saying.

Even now, we look to Frank as the icon of cool (Just watch "Swingers" again if you need proof). See a man in a fedora, think Frank. See a man carrying drink after drink around at a party yet never getting drunk, that's Frank. (Read "The Way You Wear Your Hat" for that tip.)

Go to Vegas and try not to reference the Rat Pack at least once. In fact, the rule among my group of people is that "That's Life" must be played in the cab ride from the hotel to McCarran Airport after a Vegas weekend. I suggest you adopt the same rule.

We'll never see another like Frank Sinatra (the closest we have in this time frame are George Clooney and Johnny Depp, and neither of them have recording contracts). And that's just fine with me. There's only one Frank.

So help us celebrate the spirit of Frank Sinatra with this photo essay on the 10th anniversary of his death.

Flashback: The life of Frank Sinatra

It's impossible to delve deep into the legend of Frank Sinatra in a single blog post, so Pet Rock recommends the following items if you want to learn more about the man and his music:

Books
• "Why Sinatra Matters" by Pete Hamill
• "The Way You Wear Your Hat" by Bill Zehme

Movies
• "From Here to Eternity"
• "The Man With the Golden Arm"
• "Ocean's Eleven"
• "Guys and Dolls"

Songs
• "Summer Wind"
• "That's Life"
• "Fly Me to the Moon"
• "New York, New York"
• "I've Got You Under my Skin"
• "The Way You Look Tonight"
• And pretty much everything else he sang.

I still can't believe that Nick Cannon bagged Mariah Carey! How did he pull it off? I really want to know ...

In case you've been living under a rock, Nick and Mariah reportedly ran off and got married in a private ceremony on an island, suprising family and fans. It's believed that they first met on the set of her new video for the single "Bye, Bye" off Mariah's "E=MC2" album.

I mean, Mariah is definitely hotter than Nick, and she's achieved way more success in her career. After watching Mariah's new video, it's pretty clear there was some chemistry between them and, dare I say, sexual heat!

Take a look and judge for yourself ...

First, props to 380-plus commenters on last week's post about the Miley Cyrus-Vanity Fair photo "scandal." Great dialogue, with people on both sides of the issue. This is the kind of online conversation we Web people dream about. Nice work, Pet Rockers!

Second, in the interest of full disclosure, I've been fist-pumping to Miley's song "See You Again" for a while now without ever knowing it was her singing. Oopsies. My bad. Great song, though. Seriously, it's an awesome club song. Watch a YouTube concert video at the end of this post. (I challenge you not to fist pump to the beat.)

Third, I'm still of the belief that the photo taken by Annie Leibovitz wasn't worth all the hullabaloo it generated across this pop culture world of ours. Don't teenagers spend their entire teen years trying to look older than they really are anyway?

Fourth, the most upsetting thing about this entire situation is how people are saying Miley Cyrus is washed up now and it's time for Selena Gomez and Demi Lovato to replace Cyrus as the next tween queen.

Have we really reached such a tragically subterranean level in society that we are now searching for the next young teen girl to corner the tween market?

I understand child stars have been around for a long time (just peep this photo gallery for proof), but this seems way worse than the days of Zach and Kelly on "Saved by the Bell" or Schroeder and Bateman on "Silver Spoons."

Now, we wait for a young teen marketed to preteens to do something some parent in a position of power disagrees with and exploits publicly, then we pounce on them and look for a fresh start and a drama-free clean slate.

It's one thing to do that with adults who are accustomed to such things? But now it's time to mess around with young teens like they're 30-year-olds?

Wow, are we really that sick?

- La Monica

P.S. Here's that "See You Again" video we promised.

Rumors are swirling that Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon were secretly married in a small ceremony on an island.

What sparked all this chatter? Mariah's been flashing a huge rock on her ring finger at events promoting her new album, "E=MC2," and hit single "Touch My Body." Mariah's rep denied to People magazine that the two even had a relationship, much less an engagement.

Celebrity jeweler Jacob & Co. said the ring is pretty hefty at 17 carats, featuring an emerald-cut fancy pink diamond in the center and 58 pink diamonds surrounding it, according to People.com. The ring is said to cost an astounding $2.5 million and is believed to be the same ring Nick gave to Victoria Secret model Selita Ebanks.

Yo, that's the tackiest move a man could make!

Nick Cannon first gained popularity in the movie "Drumline" and has gone on to produce and appear on MTV's "Wild N' Out."

If the two actually married, it would be Mariah's second marriage. Earlier in her career, Mariah was married to record exec Tommy Mottola from 1993 to 1998.

By Adam Abramson

FHM magazine has tabbed Megan Fox as the world's sexiest woman. No problems with that.

Some thoughts on the list:

100. Britney Spears (Really?)
13. Eva Mendes (Way hot.)
77. Paris Hilton (Is it me or is she just lame now?)
17. Kim Kardashian (Don't get it. Does she get like a 2,000 rating boost because she has a sex tape and is with Reggie Bush?)
6. Emmanuelle Chriqui (Has a strong case for No. 1. La Monica would agree)
56. Tara Reid (Hasn't she become the poster child for "Used to be hot, then went off the rocker and looks awful"?)
73. Carrie Underwood (Her first year on the list, but 73 is a slight to her).
10. Hayden Panettiere (I really don't get it...Top 10?!)

Click the picture for some photo highlights.

Lindsay Lohan photos

Apparently, our fave gal Lindsay wants to prove she's a "serious actress" by doing a nude scene. And even better, the Daily Mail in London, says she's only getting 40,000 pounds for it.

True or not, I'm fairly certain she's worth quite a bit more than that. Any chance that this is a work of Pop Fiction, that new "Ashton Kutcher messes with the paparazzi and celeb rag mags" show on E!?

Britney Spears photos

Here's the official Pet Rock stance on the matter: Britney Spears was looking mad fly on the show. We're talking "Crossroads" hot. MTV VMAs hot. I'm just saying.

See clips from the Britney Show cameos here and more here.

- Mark La Monica

By Adam Abramson

With a recently released sex tape making headlines, Amy Fisher appeared on The Howard Stern Show Thursday morning.

The interview abruptly ended when Stern took a call from Mary Jo Buttafuoco's daughter, Jessica. Fisher said she did not want to talk to the daughter of the woman she shot in the face in 1992, but Stern took the call anyway. It only took one comment from Jessica Buttafuoco for Fisher to walk out of the studio and leave the building Sirius Satellite Radio calls home.

Buttafuoco told Stern she was calling to let Fisher know releasing the tape could have grave impacts on the relationships with her children, but Fisher had already walked out.

Stern admitted he felt weird having Fisher on and predicted she was on for "three minutes," or his "shortest interview ever."

A sex tape featuring Fisher, who notoriously became the "Long Island Lolita," and her husband, Louis Bellera, was sold to a production company last August. Before walking off the show, Fisher admitted she was paid up front but would not give the amount of money received from Red Light District.

Bellera later called in to clear the air. He claimed Stern "blindsided" Fisher by taking the call from Buttafuoco. He said the purpose of the visit was to discuss the tape with Stern and his wife, but Stern rebutted by saying it would be unfair if he could not mention what originally made Fisher a public figure.

Stern and Bellera proceeded to talk about the details of the tape.

Amy Fisher discusses her sex tape (January 2008)

Leave Lindsay alone!

Sorry, we couldn't resist that Chris Crocker reference.

You get a look at those Lindsay Lohan as Marilyn Monroe photos in New York Magazine yet?

Whoa, nelly!

But before you rush to judgment and villify her in online forums and tabloid television, ask yourself this question and try to answer it honestly: How much different are these photos than what's in the latest Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue?

If you've had the chance to flip through that thing, by the last of the 200 pages, you'll wonder if you bought SI or Maxim or some softcore porn mag.

Don't try the "Yeah, but those SI photos are classy" line. The Lohan photos are just as tasteful in terms of photography. And is a see-through scarf any different than a wet, white T-shirt?

We think not.

As for that one photo without the scarf, well, we can't really argue for or against that (at least not in print). Plenty of famous folks have done the topless look and didn't get an adverse reaction in the press or public opinion.

So before you let all the negative press about Lindsay in the pass affect your judgment, take a look at the SI swimsuit -- or any other magazine aimed at younger men -- and see if it's really all that different.

- Mark La Monica

That's the scene as Wesley Snipes left an Ocala, Fla., courtroom Friday after a federal jury acquitted him of tax fraud, conspiracy and three other counts of not filing a return.

However, the jury did find Snipes guilty of three misdemeanor charges of not filing tax returns.

But the real question is this: Is that Wesley Snipes or Nino Brown in the photo?

Am I my brother's keeper?

- Mark La Monica

While there's no "news" that J. Lo has had her twins, everyone's favorite celebrity blogger, Perez Hilton, wrote yesterday that there were rumors she was giving birth here on Long Island!

Then, the Celebrity Baby Blog (yes, sadly that exists), said that J. Lo is NOT giving birth. However, for those of you lovin' on celebrity gossip, Gwen Stefani IS pregnant again.

Confusing, to say the least!

More news to follow... but, in the meantime, why not peruse some J. Lo and Mark Anthony photos or look at pics of the couple starring in a Disney Dream Portrait series.

Hooray, hooray! The SAG Awards went off as scheduled. After that Golden Globe debacle, we finally get to see famous people accept statues and say thank you!

The real appeal of these award shows, however, are seeing the insane presenter pairings put together by the show's producers. They're meant to illicit a reaction from the people watching at home, and the sought-after reaction is "Wow! What kind of drugs were they doing in that planning meeting when they paired those two together?"

Well, here we go with Pet Rock's 12 presenter pairings we'd like to see at the Oscars (or at any other upcoming award show):

1) Tony Sirico and Miley Cyrus

2) Zac Efron and Busta Rhymes

3) America Ferrara and Diddy

4) Stephen Colbert and Dame Judi Dench

5) Perez Hilton and Danny DeVito

6) Denzel Washington and Ashley Olsen

7) Kevin Dillon and Russell Crowe

8) Alec Baldwin and Lindsay Lohan

9) Eva Longoria and Terry Bradshaw

10) Britney Spears and Barack Obama

11) Kevin Bacon and Andrew "Dice" Clay

12) Amanda Bynes and Burt Reynolds

- Mark La Monica

Gotta love when actors and other famous people make fun of Tom Cruise, instead of just late-night talk show hosts and you and your friends.

Jerry O'Connell delivers this gem on Funnyordie.com. Props to Journalista friend Lauren for the link.

Just in case you were wondering what it's like to be famous, here's a little taste. I'm not saying this is the sole reason for the download spiral of Britney Spears, but it certainly doesn't make matters easier.

Imagine 43 million paparazzi swarming you the next time you do something so controversial as buy Q-tips or shampoo at Rite-Aid. Oh the scandal!

I understand the price of fame, but this is a bit ridiculous. I'm not going all Chris Crocker here, but I did appreciate Brit saving a few bucks by shopping at DSW Shoes.

And my posting of this video doesn't help matters in terms of stopping this sort of thing, but it does give you some insight into what they deal with. So, the next time you pick your nose at your desk, be thankful 25 cameras don't light up.

- Mark La Monica

Jan. 22 Blogger's note: This video from our peoples at Zap2it.com has since expired. If you're here from search engines or various scrolling within Pet Rock, we appreciate it and apologize you missed it. Rest assured, there will be more.

So, this Mr. Blackwell dude claims that Victoria Beckham, aka Posh Spice, was the worst dressed woman in 2007.

"Forget the fashion spice, wearing a skirt would suffice! In one skinny-mini monstrosity after another, pouty posh can really wreck-em," he said in a statement.

I don't know what any of that means, but here's my question: Who really cares about this? Omigod, some fashion chica wears clothes that some old man doesn't like. Stop the presses! Throw away your Spice Girls CDs. Trade David Beckham in your fantasy soccer leagues. The world is going to end.

Is he judging Victoria "That is May-jah" Beckham based on the clothes she wears as a member of the Spice Girls, a pop music group in an industry that is based entirely on selling a fantasy image? Or is he judging her based on her clothing choices as a mother of three? Either way, why do we care? Will this stop us from looking at photos of her and the other celebs on the list? Will this prevent us from watching their movies or listening to their music? No.

Seriously, why do we in the media keep presenting this information? I'm all for frivolous bits of entertainment news to get me through the day, but at least I can derive some perceived value from those little "[Insert famous celeb name here] is pregnant/engaged/married/divorced" stories.

I'm so mad at myself right now for even complaining about this Blackwell thing and giving this guy more pub. Someone take away my Internet for two days, please.

I'm a sucker for celebrity birthdays. Not really sure why, but I am.

Somewhere between the day they started printing them in the newspaper and the day I learned how to read, I was hooked.

In glancing at an advance copy of this Sunday's entertainment section of the newspaper, I stumbled upon the knowledge that on Jan. 6, 2008, actor Danny Pintauro turns 32. Just in case you have no clue who that is, here's the full listing as it appears in the paper:

Actor Danny Pintauro ("Who's the Boss?"), 32.

According to IMDB.com, Pintauro hasn't done any TV or film work since "Who's the Boss?" ended in 1992, save for a small bit in the 2007 independent film "The Still Life."

According to the official Danny Pintauro fan site (yes, there's an official Danny Pintauro fan site), he's done some off-broadway theater in the time since he stopped sharing a home with Samantha Miceli.

So here's my question: When does celebrity status expire? Is there no shelf-life to when people stop caring who you are, what you do or when you were born? Is there some kind of renewal form they fill out and pay dues to stay in the public eye?

- Mark La Monica

Photo from Wikipedia.org

In the latest rung on her downward spiral toward Hades' waiting room (seriously, how many more rungs can there be?), Britney Spears had the coppers come to her crib and swipe her kids after a three-hour custody battle.

The coppers say she "appeared to be under the influence of an unknown substance."

What else is unknown is the later-on-in-life effects all these Britney fiascos/tabloid fodder will have on her kids.

What else is unknown is whose kids will be more screwed up in life: Britney's or Michael Jackson's. It's a tough call, so we'll leave it up to you to vote.

- Mark La Monica

By Mark La Monica

Boy, that Jamie Lynn Spears is pregnant story came out of nowhere, huh? At least with Britney, we could see the signs.

This comes just when I was starting to wonder why the tabloids continue to force people to give a hoo-hah about Britney.

I'm still hoping that this is another of those magazine hoaxes, like a few months back when someone made a fake page from J-14 saying that "Hannah Montana" actress Miley Cyrus was with child. Or maybe one of those technical errors like a bunch of years ago when NBC killed Joe DiMaggio on its breaking news crawl months before he actually died.

For the sake of everyone in the Spears family and for the rest of us in Somewhat Sane America, please let this be a hoax. Please!

Given the family history, it's likely 100-percent true. And seeing how Jamie Lynn is 16, Pet Rock will take the high road (does such a road exist in pop culture blogs?) and practice abstinence when it comes to writing any more about this bit of, um, er, uh, "news."

We certainly won't go all Chris Crocker on you and start screaming "Leaving Jamie Lynn alone!" That we promise.

Here's hoping Jamie Lynn raises a productive, well-adjusted child and that Google figures out a way to un-Google things before Lil' Spears learns how to read and use the Internet. No child deserves the wrath Lil Spears is bound to endure in the coming months before he or she enters the world.

By Mark La Monica

The wildly popular "Dancing With The Stars" has been a ratings bonzana for ABC. It encapsulates the reality competition genre that dominates programming these days. And it puts people in charge, somewhat, of their own future.

But don't fool yourself, Even in this era of user-generated content (aka, "Do our work for us"), there's way more going on with this show that makes it successful.

Here are 12 reasons why "Dancing With The Stars" works:

1) Famous people
We as a culture in this nation do love us some celebrities. But the true guilty pleasure in watching these celebs is two-fold:

• Watching celebs transform from regular non-dancers to graceful dancers
• Secretly hoping to watch famous people make a fool of themselves on national televison.

2) Insane clothing
The women all were shiny little things. The men all raided Sam Rothstein's closet at The Tangiers.

3) The music
It's all songs we already know, which never hurts. They're performed by people at the show, not by the original artists, which adds some intrigue (even if some of the versions are woefully painful to hear.) They don't talk about this, but the music is the secret energy of the show.

4) A gutsy host
Tom Bergeron drops bombs. Gotta respect a host who can easily alternate between kissing celebrity patoot and mocking celebrities to the face. On the show finale, Bergeron asked the earlier weeks' losers some questions. When he got to Jennie Garth (aka Kelly Taylor), he said on live television: "Jennie, uh, we were gonna ask you a question, but instead let's roll the clip of her falling down . . . Really, I don't have time for questions." Onions!

5) Train wrecks
There's also at least one star on the show that makes you say "I can't wait to watch this debacle." The train wreck was been played admirably this season by Wayne Newton and Mark Cuban, and in previous seasons by Tucker Carlson and Jerry Springer.

6) A crazy Italian
Having been raised by plenty of crazy Italians, let me say this: Never, never, never underestimate the influence loud, outspoken and demonstrative Italians can have on the things you do. Forza Bruno Tonioli!

7) Smokin hot chicks
Julianne Hough, Kym Webster, Cheryl Burke, Carrie Ann, etc., etc., etc.

8) Old-school classics
The creators and producers of "Dancing" do a remarkable job of landing a good array of talent to appeal to every demographic imaginable. That always yields a "Wow, I didn't know they were still around, but damn she/he still looks good" moment. This year's old-school classic: Jane Seymour. That woman is good medicine.

9) College flashbacks
Every man who had a girlfriend and schedule flexibility in their senior year of college during the 1990s was forced to take the ballroom dancing class. Some of those men are with those same women. Some are with different women. Those different women also took the ballroom dancing class. And now that those college guys of the 1990s have gone soft in their 30s, it's deja vu all over again.

10) Cast stability
Sure, each season revolves around different celebrities, but the dancers remain the same (give or take one or two here and there). That gives the viewer a chance to grow with the show and compare Karina Smirnoff's work with Slater last season with her work with Pretty Boy Floyd this season.

11) Career revival
Tell the truth: for those of you who didn't watch the extremely short-lived "ESPN Hollywood," who even knew Mario Lopez had skills beyond bad wrestling moves in a fake gym on Saturday mornings?

12) The dance moves
Yeah, they're pretty cool, too.

Thank [insert your diety of choice here] Jennifer Lopez and Christina Aguilera officially announced they are with child.

I think we can all breathe a little bit easier now that they confirmed what everyone already knew.

Seriously, what is the obsession about these types of things? Bringing children into the world is a wonderful thing, but when the tabloid shows and magazines and blogs spend so much time trying to run down the story as if it were a major international coup, things get a little silly, don't you think?

As much as I love seeing photos of J.Lo and Aguilera everywhere I turn, this stuff seems way too wasteful of a lot of good people's time.

By Adam Abramson

So Clifford Harris was arrested on weapons charges.

Who? Well, that's the real name of rapper T.I., you know, the rubberband man.

Mr. Harris has drug charges and violations of probation looming from 1998, so he's going to be in some hot water.

I doubt Chevrolet will like this very much.

The question I want to ask, though, is who's guilty here? T.I. or T.I.P?