Pet Rock: The Pop Culture Blog

You know how it is. Fridays. The weekend is here. Time to get your mind right.

And what better way to do that than with some 1980s pro wrestling? Don't be such a yo-yo!

By Mark La Monica

I'm the king of blogs, there is none higher,
All you sucka bloggers should call me sire.

To burn my kingdom, you must use fire,
I won't stop blogging til I retire!

Just a little paraphrasing from "King of Rock" by Run-DMC. Why, you ask? Well, why not? But there's another reason.

Thursday night, Hammerstein Ballroom hosts the J.A.M. Awards, which will highlight the positive possibilities rap music. It also helps honor Jam Master Jay, DJ to legendary old-school rap pioneers Run-DMC.

Hyped up by hearing this news last week, I whipped up this little video tribute. Enjoy. (You'll most likely have to sit through a 15-second commercial first. Nothing I can do about that. It's how they pay the bills, one of which is my paycheck.)

For more on the show, visit jammasterjay.org

By Mark La Monica

The wildly popular "Dancing With The Stars" has been a ratings bonzana for ABC. It encapsulates the reality competition genre that dominates programming these days. And it puts people in charge, somewhat, of their own future.

But don't fool yourself, Even in this era of user-generated content (aka, "Do our work for us"), there's way more going on with this show that makes it successful.

Here are 12 reasons why "Dancing With The Stars" works:

1) Famous people
We as a culture in this nation do love us some celebrities. But the true guilty pleasure in watching these celebs is two-fold:

• Watching celebs transform from regular non-dancers to graceful dancers
• Secretly hoping to watch famous people make a fool of themselves on national televison.

2) Insane clothing
The women all were shiny little things. The men all raided Sam Rothstein's closet at The Tangiers.

3) The music
It's all songs we already know, which never hurts. They're performed by people at the show, not by the original artists, which adds some intrigue (even if some of the versions are woefully painful to hear.) They don't talk about this, but the music is the secret energy of the show.

4) A gutsy host
Tom Bergeron drops bombs. Gotta respect a host who can easily alternate between kissing celebrity patoot and mocking celebrities to the face. On the show finale, Bergeron asked the earlier weeks' losers some questions. When he got to Jennie Garth (aka Kelly Taylor), he said on live television: "Jennie, uh, we were gonna ask you a question, but instead let's roll the clip of her falling down . . . Really, I don't have time for questions." Onions!

5) Train wrecks
There's also at least one star on the show that makes you say "I can't wait to watch this debacle." The train wreck was been played admirably this season by Wayne Newton and Mark Cuban, and in previous seasons by Tucker Carlson and Jerry Springer.

6) A crazy Italian
Having been raised by plenty of crazy Italians, let me say this: Never, never, never underestimate the influence loud, outspoken and demonstrative Italians can have on the things you do. Forza Bruno Tonioli!

7) Smokin hot chicks
Julianne Hough, Kym Webster, Cheryl Burke, Carrie Ann, etc., etc., etc.

8) Old-school classics
The creators and producers of "Dancing" do a remarkable job of landing a good array of talent to appeal to every demographic imaginable. That always yields a "Wow, I didn't know they were still around, but damn she/he still looks good" moment. This year's old-school classic: Jane Seymour. That woman is good medicine.

9) College flashbacks
Every man who had a girlfriend and schedule flexibility in their senior year of college during the 1990s was forced to take the ballroom dancing class. Some of those men are with those same women. Some are with different women. Those different women also took the ballroom dancing class. And now that those college guys of the 1990s have gone soft in their 30s, it's deja vu all over again.

10) Cast stability
Sure, each season revolves around different celebrities, but the dancers remain the same (give or take one or two here and there). That gives the viewer a chance to grow with the show and compare Karina Smirnoff's work with Slater last season with her work with Pretty Boy Floyd this season.

11) Career revival
Tell the truth: for those of you who didn't watch the extremely short-lived "ESPN Hollywood," who even knew Mario Lopez had skills beyond bad wrestling moves in a fake gym on Saturday mornings?

12) The dance moves
Yeah, they're pretty cool, too.

By Mark La Monica

The long holiday weekend got me thinking. Most of the stories we tell and re-tell always start with "Remember when . . . ." And they're always the best stories.

I've got an old-school streak in me to begin with, and this observation solidified it. WIth Soulja Boy Monday being retired last week, I needed something new to keep up. Or maybe something old.

So here we go with the debut of Old School Tuesday. This is where we can go back in time with video clips, or photographs, or other assorted nostalgic what-nots. We'll deal with stuff from the 1970s and '80s, predominantly. Occasionaly, we'll foray into the early '90s, but absolutely nothing after 1994 is allowed.

So let's get it poppin' with a classic John Belushi "SNL" skit.

By Mark La Monica

With this season of "The Hills" winding down -- don't even front, you know you watch it, too -- it's time for some random thoughts about the show.

* Oh great, just what we needed, another Pratt on television acting hard.

* Seriously, I haven't seen that bad an acting job since Ben Affleck did that bathroom mirror scene in "Gigli." Nice work, whatever your name was, Spencer's sister. (It's not worth the Google, but L.C. nailed it with her caddy "She-Pratt" quip.)

* Anyone else notice the blatant show of guilt by part-mute, part-syllablic grunter Justin-Bobby at the end of the show? He put the hair in a ponytail and actually spoke. Prior to this episode, all we saw of him was long hair and mono-syllablic grunts.

Disclaimer time: We fully realize that the opinions we form about these people on "The Hills" are based solely on what we see on television. We fully realize that show producers and editors have a story to tell and that story is never the full story. Now back to the show.

* Where do these producers find these clowns, er, guys, to be on this show? I refuse to believe the girls are capable of continually finding these rampaging non-winners on their own. These brohams are an impressive collection of, well, we'll let you insert your preferred derogatory noun. Then again, maybe it's just an L.A. thing.

* We renew our opinions from last season: No way Heidi goes through with the wedding. If you come across any recent appearances by them, the guess here is that's just to not ruin the season finale.

* Slowly starting to gain some appreciation for Brody. Not really sure what he does in life, but he seems to stay above the fray.

* Lauren Conrad still has the greatest smile in television history.

* In recent episodes, they moved Whitney out of the office on assignments. Good to see her career develop, but I miss Whitney in her role of "Taxicab Confessions" driver. She basically would sit at her desk and just poke and prod L.C. with questions until she spilled. Great work if you can get it.

* OK, this episode trivia quiz is scary, disturbing, interesting, amusing, scary, disturbing, interesting and amusing.

By Mark La Monica

In between the 34 courses of an Italian-style Thanksgiving, the family gets to talking. Those conversations range from family news to old stories to things in the news to crazy, random things.

One of those crazy random things yesterday at our table involved Mighty Mouse and who could remember the entire theme song. With people ranging in age from 1 to 67, the results were mixed.

That's why YouTube exists, so we can all learn from the past. And seeing how it's Friday, it seems Mighty Mouse is a perfect fit for YouTube Friday here at Pet Rock. So enjoy the Mighty Mouse clip below (and the special bonus clip below that).

And the special bonus clip

As you spend Thanksgiving afternoon alternating between slow, deep breaths and belly rubbing to cure your food coma/impending nausea from overstuffing yourself on stuffing and turkey, consider turning your TV set to the Versus channel.

(If you can find it, that is. Tip: It's 603 on DirecTV and 146 on Cablevision.)

Normally, we wouldn't support a network that's more old-school ESPN (back when it was OSN, the Obscure Sports Network), but this Thanksgiving, beginning at 4:30 p.m., there's a "Rocky" movie marathon.

We feel it's always necessary to mention "Rocky" movie marathons when we come across them. I mean, really, it's Rocky Balboa, the greatest American movie hero since Bogart in "Casablanca."

Unless of course, you prefer to watch the 2-8 Jets attempt to beat the Cowboys on three days' rest. Yeah, didn't think so. Although, that would cure that whole nausea thing after your sixth turkey and gravy biscuit sandwich.

We must note that this marathon is more like a really long run. It starts with "Rocky II" and continues with "Rocky III" and "Rocky V."

I've always said "Rocky V" gets a bad rap. I applaud Versus for being the only station gutsy enough to include "Rocky V" in the marathon. Most stations usually stop after "Rocky IV."

However, how can you have a Rocky marathon with "Rocky" and "Rocky IV?" Seriously. "Rocky" started it all, and "Rocky IV" had James Brown, pre-Flavor Flav Brigitte Nielsen and Apollo Creed's mustache. I know the Cold War is over, but c'mon. That didn't stop the Olympics, did it?

But at least we get the famous "hug in the ocean" scene in "Rocky III."

By Mark La Monica

Sadly, this day has finally arrived. The day where we retire Soulja Boy Monday. We just feel it's time, sort of like when MTV's TRL used to retire videos after a certain number of days in a row of being in the top 10.

We made it three months with Soulja Boy Monday, which is quite a run.

But you know we can't leave you all without a party. So turn up your computer speakers and crank dat to this Soulja Boy playlist ranging from Beyonce to college hoops coach Bo Ryan.

By Mark La Monica

The knock on "Saturday Night Live" in the past several years is that it's no longer funny. One viewing of "Bronx Beat" with Amy Poehler and Maya Rudolph and you'll know that knock has been reduced to a soft tap.

SNL's site won't let us embed video, which is fine by me, so here's a link to my favorite Bronx Beat skit, the one with Jake Gyllenhaal. What are you, Sioux?

However, if you want to get your mind right for the weekend -- which is the entire point here at YouTube Friday, by the way -- you're going to want to watch this clip below of four girls imitating Bronx Beat. In a word, awesome. In two words, it's awesome.

As the re-invention of storylines on "Grey's Anatomy" continues to unfold -- pretty decently, too -- I wanted to pass along a viewing tip I learned last night.

Sure, Dr. Meredith Grey is still smokin' and the new dynamic between Shepherd and Sloan makes for amusing television for men and drooling television for women. But be careful with that.

As Grey & Co. lure you in with hot doctors and intriguing plotlines, we here at Pet Rock advise you not to eat while watching the show.

You just can't know when you're going to look down at a dumpling on your plate then look up and see an exploding brain on your tv.

It's a dangerous game to play. Better to wait to eat, or wait to watch. Either way, we're not responsible for happens if you do not heed this Blogger General's warning.

I noticed that Mark let you all on to Escapa!

I will say that a bunch of us played in the office for a good bit of Wednesday.

I am owner of highest time at 27.936.

But I wanted to let you in on the real Red Square in the Tropicana. Mark mentioned below.

I've been. A good friend owns a locker there. What's a locker, you ask? Well, it's a few things.

1. It's the sign that you're a baller.

2. It's better than any bar you could bring a female to.

3. It's literally a locker in a sub-freezing chamber in the front of the bar. The locker is yours year-round. It has your name on it. Inside the locker is liquors of your choice. You can show up any time and they will let you in to drink your liquor. Sticking with the Russian theme, you dress up. See the picture below.

Trust me. It's baller.

Red square is awesome. No, not the place with the ice bar at Mandalay Bay in Vegas, or at the Tropicana in Atlantic City.

This one trickled in the Pet Rock office via the Big Cat.

It's the latest cure for office boredom. Good luck.

Play Red Square

P.S. The Pet Rock record as of post time is 25.299.

Here we go with Week 10 of Soulja Boy Monday. How many more can we possible have? One!

Soulja Boy Monday will be retired next week in a special ceremony. But, first, the South Park edition of Soulja Boy Monday, courtesy of YouTuber jw00dgangsta.

Watch past editions of Soulja Boy Monday

By Mark La Monica

I walked into a new bank the other day. Well, new to me, at least. I approached the ATM, stuck my card in, pushed some buttons. Really nothing exciting to report there.

But, upon withdrawal of $100 and declining any additional transactions, the touch screen popped up this message:

"Thanks for stopping by."

OK, really? Seriously? Did I just get Veronica Corningstone'd? I had to take out another hundy just to be sure.

"Thanks for stopping by."

Yep, I did. I just got Veronica Corningstone'd.

Then I had to take out yet another hundy just to see if the ATM would tell me to stay classy. It didn't. Now I got three bones in my pocket. Meet me at the bar.

You stay classy, Washington Mutual.

Now this is old school!

Hope that helps you get in the right frame of mind for the weekend.

Thank [insert your diety of choice here] Jennifer Lopez and Christina Aguilera officially announced they are with child.

I think we can all breathe a little bit easier now that they confirmed what everyone already knew.

Seriously, what is the obsession about these types of things? Bringing children into the world is a wonderful thing, but when the tabloid shows and magazines and blogs spend so much time trying to run down the story as if it were a major international coup, things get a little silly, don't you think?

As much as I love seeing photos of J.Lo and Aguilera everywhere I turn, this stuff seems way too wasteful of a lot of good people's time.

By Mark La Monica

Nickelback pretty much nailed the true notion of the American Dream when the band penned the lyrics "We all just wanna be big rock stars."

It's true. Wherever you are in the life at the moment, if you could trade it for a hit record, a tour bus, groupies, buckets of cash and the cover of Rolling Stone, you would do it. It's ingrained in our culture. A rock star is the president of cool. A movie star, $20 million a flick or not, is the under secretary.

Tear through Nikki Sixx's new memoir "The Heroin Diaries: A Year in the Life of Shattered Rock Star" and you'll see. Through all the stories of drug addiction, overdosing and police involvement, there's a part of you that wants to be able to say you lived the life. To be clear, by no means are we condoning drug use. Rather, we're asking you to read beyond that and focus on the big picture.

In 1987, Motley Crue was on top of the world, the biggest rock band on Earth, complete with all the expected accoutrements -- plus a few more. The Girls Girls Girls tour set all kinds of records for debauchery, some of which are documented in Sixx's book, many of which are documented in the 2001 Motley tome "The Dirt: Confessions of the World's Most Notorious Rock Band."

The phrase "party like a rock star" may not have been invented for Motley Crue, but they certainly perfected and patented its definition.

But where "The Heroin Diaries" differs is in its then-and-now approach. Somewhere in between recording the "Girls Girls Girls" album, touring, pounding Jack Daniel's like a marathoner does water, snorting coke, getting into insane battles with on-again off-again girlfriend Vanity and shooting heroin into parts of the body not printable here, Sixx kept a diary.

That diary is the basis for the book, with more than 200 days worth of entries. Those entries are accompanied by modern-day commentary from the people involved in the stories, including Crue members Tommy Lee, Vince Neil, Mick Mars, and other Crue folks such as managers, producers, roadies, family members and other characters in the sick and twisted life of Nikki Sixx.

In short, it's amazing. Impossible to put down. Each page filled with more shock and awe than the previous.

The book basically covers the time between when Sixx died near the end of 1986 in a garbage dumpster in London to when he died again just before Christmas 1987 in Van Nuys, Calif.

That's not a joke. It's just a sample of what you'll read. And what you'll read is the raw thoughts of a heroin and coke addict who, while in between blackouts and overdoses, was the creator, leader, lyricist and bassist for the most successful rock band at the time.

With each riveting turn of the page, you root for Sixx. To get clean. To stay clean. To live. Even though you already know before you cracked the book for the first time that Sixx is still alive, you'll start to question that as you read. At some point, you'll think this is a novel. It's not. But you root for Sixx the way you would root for any tragically flawed character in a work of fiction.

In between the sadness, there are some moments of hilarity. Such as Sept. 27, 1987. It was 3:30 a.m. in a Dallas hotel. Two hot girls knock on Sixx's door. They wanted to repeat the events of the previous evening. Sixx was too ill, strung out on heroin and whatever else he put into his body that week, and turned them down. But he gave them back their shoes and their underwear. "Thanks, but these aren't my panties," one girl said. Sixx then writes, "and her girlfriend said they weren't hers either. Oh Lord."

That's the sort of thing you get when you read about Motley Crue. This book is a must-read for anyone who ever shouted at the devil.

Read an excerpt from ''The Heroin Diaries"

By Mark La Monica

Apparently, some old-school synapses were firing late last night. Somewhere in my REM sleep land, there are a few dreams of 1990s glory waiting to be unleashed. Who knew?

That's the only way to explain why Michael Bivens and I shared the stage to sing "Poison." Where Ronny DeVoe and Ricky Bell were, I'm not really sure.

But, that was I me on stage, in black overalls, one flap down, of course, and a white turtleneck busting a move to some hip hop smoothed out on the R & B tip with pop feel appeal to it. Yes, it was one of those "Did I really just dream that?" moments of waking up. It was followed by one of those "Uh, yeah, I gotta blog that" moments.

Hey, ride the wave, baby. Smack it up, flip it, rub it down, oh nooooooooooooo!

By Mark La Monica

Given its 4 million-plus views on YouTube, it's safe to say the "My New Haircut" video by L2X Productions qualifies as a pop culture phenomenon.

I can't in good conscience embed the video in this blog since we're a family newspaper Web site and there is plenty of cursing going on. Well, I could do it, but I'd likely get canned or shut down or both. So, if you're not familiar with this gem, here's the link. Click on it at your own discretion.

But here's the scary part: The people they make fun in this video really exist here on Long Island, and in Queens, Staten Island and New Jersey. The Gotti blow-out haircuts, the gel, the perfected Jones Beach workout (bench and curls), the button-down shirts unbuttoned enough to show off their chest hair. Oh wait, they shave their chest hair. The more disturbing trait of these people is the way they talk and the things they say.

A few hours ago at the gym, I almost had a Dave Chappelle "When Keeping It Real Goes Wrong" moment. On the treadmill, minding my own business, with an iPod and 30 minutes of incline, two brohams infiltrated my little world.

One of the guys has the "My New Haircut" haircut (and the headband!). The other guy has the "before" haircut from the "My New Haircut" video. And then, boom, they start talking. Just plain awful. All I could pick up was "bottle service" and "limos" and "[bleeping] hammered" and "these chicks" and blah, blah, blah.

What did I do? Well, being a man of pop culture, I occasionally yelled out "Jager bombs!" Soon, it became "frequently" rather than "occasionally." I was keeping it real. It almost went wrong.

Of course, if these brohams said anything to me, I would have responded properly. "Not now, chief, I'm in the [bleeping] zone!"

Then, I would have run away . . . and found the biggest trainer in the gym and told him those two guys made fun of his mother.

That just happened.

The last seven seconds are amazing.

By Mark La Monica

Who's my bigger hero today?

Is it Mike Barry, the dude who had the onions to do what everyone who ever watched "Grease" do?

Or is it Ana, a dear friend who had the smarts to send me this video?

Tough call. So many pros to argue on each side.

While I struggle with the question, bask in YouTube Friday and feast your eyes on this insanely hilarious video.

By Mike Casey

So I know the passing of Robert Goulet hardly qualifies as a pop culture event, but maybe that's because few realize the contributions the legendary actor has made to Americana.

I'm not talking about his roles in Broadway hits such as "Camelot," nor his his music, nor his moustache, which certainly qualifies as one of the greatest in entertainment history.

I'm not even talking about Will Ferrell's hilarious impersonation of him on Saturday Night Live.

I'm talking about a series of commercials in which he starred for ESPN in 1994 promoting college basketball. To attempt to describe them -- considering he uses the word "Bronday," a combination of brother and Monday, in one of the commercials -- would be futile, so I'll just post a YouTube link and get out of your way. Enjoy, and make sure you watch all 16.